


kissing the shoreline

by onhos



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Angst and Feels, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bang Chan is a Sweetheart, College, Fantasy, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Love, M/M, Magical Realism, Mermaids, Mutual Pining, Mystery, Plot Twists, Romance, Secrets
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-01
Updated: 2020-09-27
Packaged: 2021-03-06 22:34:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 32,173
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26236480
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/onhos/pseuds/onhos
Summary: Felix, a mermaid prince who left his old life behind, tries to settle into the human world. Chan helps.
Relationships: Bang Chan/Lee Felix
Comments: 61
Kudos: 298
Collections: Kudos folder





	1. changing tides

**Author's Note:**

  * For [kalissainte](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kalissainte/gifts).



> very late bday gift for lissa PART 1
> 
> go go felix mermaid <3

The air tastes like sea salt.

By the ocean, the breeze is stronger. Felix's pink hair, soft and fluttering around his ears, is ruffled by the wind. The tip of his nose is going red. In the human realm, Felix thinks, the weather isn't as harsh - he focuses on the slight cold of the sea air to calm the nerves swirling in his stomach.

It's the first day of his new life, and the walk to his introductory lecture feels miles long. Felix swallows a hard lump in his throat. He's late, and so he clutches his books tightly to his chest and tries to walk quickly, darting past students through the unfamiliar campus. He looks at every building as he passes, trying to find the lecture hall he's due to be at. Only the sight of the sea on the horizon gives him strength.

The ocean was the reason Felix had chosen this University in the first place. It's right by the sea. From his dorm room, he can see the sun sparkling on the ocean. He can watch the tide move, or gaze at the waves as they brush against the shore. It's a small piece of his old life, just outside of his tiny window

Now, on this fateful morning, Felix thinks of the sea again. He imagines the feel of water in his lungs, and the sparkle of the ocean around him, and tries not to panic. Life will be better now, he thinks, nodding to himself. He never has to go back home.

Distracted by his thoughts, he walks straight into a hard chest. 

Felix stumbles backwards, and drops his books. Warm hands steady him, clutching his arms tightly. Felix looks up into a kind face. There's a sparkle in his eyes. His long dark hair falls over his eyes, and he wears a black hoodie, the sleeves covering his hands.

"Alright?" He asks, with his eyebrow raised.

He lets go of Felix's arms, and picks up the books for him, placing them carefully into Felix's arms again.

"Careful." He says. 

"Thank you." Felix says, quietly. He looks shyly into the boy's face, and then his eyes flicker away. He still isn't used to the company of humans, and he stands stiffly, staring down at his books.

"Is this your first year here?" 

"Huh?" Felix asks, "How do you know that?"

The boy smiles.

"Don't look so scared. The newbies just have this expression, you know, it's like..." The boy pulls a face, his eyes and mouth going wide, "See? You can just tell."

Felix blinks at him.

"I'm right, aren't I?" The boy asks, "I'm Chan, I'm in my third year. Do you want some help?"

Felix opens his mouth to refuse, but the boy grabs the books from him and fits them snugly into his arms.

"Where are you heading? Are you lost?" Chan says.

"I-" Felix sighs, "Well, actually... I need to find the Rosemary Lecture Hall."

"Easy as pie." Chan says happily, "I'll take you there."

Felix is still trying to work out what  _ easy as pie  _ means when Chan starts walking. He hurries to keep up. He's jealous of the way Chan walks through the human realm, with an ease that Felix may never be able to have. He seems to know his place here, is completely relaxed under the sun, and it's a little daunting.

Felix has never been to a University, after all. He's used to the stifling quiet of the castle library, where the only sound was the monotonous voice of his royal tutor. Here, though, there's so much noise. The laughter and conversations of students, as they walk together or sit on benches. The sound of the sea, as the waves move. Even the slight hum of music, from somewhere Felix can't place. It's both exhilarating, and terrifying.

"What?" Felix asks, when he realises he's missed what Chan said.

"I said," Chan says, "What's your name?"

"Oh," Felix says, and smiles slightly. 

When he'd dreamt of a new life, he had wanted more than new places. He'd wanted to completely reinvent himself, and to discover his soul without the oppressive, suffocating opinions of his parents. With that had come a new name, and therefore a new identity.  _ Lee Felix. _

"Felix," Felix says, "Lee Felix."

Chan turns to him, and gives him an encouraging smile. Felix manages to smile back.

"Hey, Felix," He says, "Where are you from?"

Felix pauses, imagining the huge castle that he'd lived in for centuries.

"Somewhere far away." He finally says.

"That's mysterious." Chan laughs. "Why did you come all of the way here, then?"

"For the sea." Felix says.

"There are seas everywhere." Chan points out.

"I wanted to try something new," Felix says, his voice slowly growing stronger, "I wanted... a new start."

Chan nods, listening. There's something wonderful about walking with someone new under the sunlight.

"What about you?" Felix asks.

"Oh." Chan laughs, embarrassed. "I came here because of my parents. To make them proud, you know? But I'd much rather just make music."

"Music?" Felix asks.

As they walk, Felix thinks he can hear the old melodies of his home drifting through the air. He'd always envied the pianists, the cellists, the guitar players, the drummers, who kept music flowing through the kingdom. When he was a child, he'd wanted to dance like the others in the market square. But he couldn't. He was the prince, and he had to set an example.

The thought of human music, unrestricted and free, makes a burst of joy spread through Felix's chest.

"Hip hop, rap, that kind of stuff." Chan rubs the back of his neck. 

"Is there a lot of music here?"

Chan's expression doesn't change, although Felix's question must've seemed strange.

"Oh, for sure." Chan says, "There's gigs in the University bar, that sort of thing. There's a bunch of music clubs you could join. So you like music too?"

"I love it." Felix says, "I always wanted to learn to dance. That's another reason I came here, to study music."

"Really?" Chan turns to look at him, "Why couldn't you learn to dance at home?"

Felix looks out into the unfamiliar sky. He watches the clouds drift by, a wave of sadness passing over him for a moment. When it fades, he tries to smile again.

"It's a long story."

"I have time." Chan says, and then laughs. "Actually, wait, no I don't. We're here."

He stops outside of a tall building, holding out Felix's books with bright eyes. Felix takes the books from him. Chan brushes his dark hair away from his face with his hand, pulling up the strap of his backpack with the other.

"Thanks." Felix says softly.

"It's nothing." Chan grins. "Do you know which room you're going to?"

Felix nods. He tucks a strand of hair behind his ear.

"Nice." Chan says.

Chan's smile brightens his face. If this is what the human realm is like, Felix thinks, then it's going to be so much better than he expected. The sunshine, the sound of the waves, a boy willing to help him. It's wonderful.

Chan is a good omen, Felix decides.

The silence stretches. Chan holds out his hand, and Felix tentatively takes it.

"Hey, it was good talking to you, Felix. Take care, okay?"

A new beginning, Felix thinks. 

"You too." Felix says softly. Chan lets go of his hand, and opens the door for him. Felix ducks through the doorway, brushing past Chan's warm form.

"See you soon." Chan calls happily after him.

Felix clutches his books tighter to his chest, and smiles to himself. As he walks towards a lecture - to learn, to hope, to discover - he thinks maybe everything will be okay after all.

*

Felix bought a plant.

He places the pot tentatively on the window sill, careful not to damage the leaves. The marketplace had been selling all sorts of things that Felix was unfamiliar with, but it was the plants that had caught his eye. He'd always loved the royal garden, growing behind the castle, but he'd never been able to grow anything himself.

He looks past the flower and out into the campus. The sea is gentle today. The tide must be out, Felix thinks, imagining footprints in the sand. He stretches, exhausted from the day, and winces. Pain shoots down his stomach and spine.

Grimacing, he sits down and pulls off his shirt. Blood has already started to seep through his bandages, dark red against his skin. He pulls a face and pulls them away slowly, replacing them with crisp white, clean bandages instead.

Looking at his deep wounds, scattered across his chest, stomach and back, reminds him of his old life. But as the deep red fades into scars, Felix thinks, the memories will fade too. For now, he has to bear the pain. They're ugly, sure, but they're healing.

On his desk, there's a glass of water. It begins to overflow, suddenly, water spilling onto the wood and dripping onto the carpet. Felix swallows and takes a deep breath, willing it to stop. Even after all of these years, his control over his magic is weak.

(But Felix swam through storms and jagged rocks to get here. He won't give up so easily).

*

When he can't sleep, plagued by nightmares, Felix drinks tea in the shared kitchen. 

It's a habit that had continued from his old life - sneaking out of his bedchamber at night to drink and relax. He runs a hand through his pink hair, his eyes weary with sleep, and shuffles into the kitchen. 

Changbin, one of his housemates, is sitting at the table. He's scribbling in a notebook, and he nods in acknowledgement when Felix walks in. Jisung sits, his other housemate, leans back in his seat, his feet on the table. He's peering over Changbin's shoulder curiously. Jisung is in his first year too, but Changbin is older than them, though the age difference doesn't really affect their relationship.

Felix's ears turn red, still nervous in the company of his human housemates. He drags himself over to the kettle.

"Make me a coffee while you're there?" Jisung asks. 

"Sure." Felix murmurs.

Changbin hits Jisung over the head with his notebook.

"Yah." He says, "Make your own coffee."

Felix smiles to himself. Changbin meets his eye, and winks. The older has sharp eyes, and broad shoulders, yet his smile is reassuring. He's a warm sort of person, and already he's begun to throw his arms over Felix's shoulders, or invite him to hang out with them. 

"So," Jisung asks warmly, tipping his head backwards to meet Felix's eyes. Behind him, Changbin mimes pushing him off his chair, which makes Felix laugh. "How was your first week at University?"

Felix thinks back on his first week in the human realm. It's become a blur of noise and colour, so much more  _ interesting  _ than the kingdom he'd left behind.

"Busy." He decides. "What about you?"

"Tiring." Jisung whines. "Why do I have so much work to do already?"

The act of making tea is soothing, the hot water filling the cup slowly. Felix makes the coffee too, the homely smell filling the kitchen. The mugs are warm around his fingers. Ever since he got to the human realm, he thinks that he's experienced everything  _ more.  _ Like someone had turned on a light switch, and he could finally see everything in vibrant colour.

Felix sits beside Changbin at the table, and pushes Jisung's coffee towards him. Jisung smiles gratefully, growing quiet and sipping the coffee. Felix stares down into his tea, though the sound of Changbin's pen scratching against paper is making him increasingly curious.

As if reading his mind, Jisung pipes up.

"He's writing lyrics." Jisung explains, and then pouts. "But he won't let me look."

"It's bad luck." Changbin grumbles.

"It's bad luck." Jisung repeats, in a low, mocking voice.

This easy conversation, these night-time smiles, are so unfamiliar to Felix. He never had evenings like this, in the company of new friends. It warms his heart, a little, and he takes a sip of tea.

"You write music?" Felix asks, thinking of Chan. 

Changbin shrugs, his cheeks turning pink.

"He's pretty good." Jisung says.

"You've only known me a week." Changbin murmurs, though the way his cheeks dimple suggests he's secretly pleased.

Jisung sticks out his tongue. He's cute, with his puffed out cheeks and his long sweater, as he drinks his coffee gratefully. Felix is glad that he was paired with them, glad that he chose this busy, but bright, human world over his old life.

"I'm going home for Christmas," Jisung is saying, "What about you?"

"Same, probably." Changbin says. 

"Felix?" Jisung asks.

"Oh, I-" Felix swallows. "I can't go home."

Jisung blinks.

"Why not?"

"Um." The question is one he isn't prepared to answer. "Well, it's so far away."

"Ah." Jisung says, nodding sympathetically, "Where are you from?"

Felix is forced to think of home. There was the castle, dark and damp, where he could hardly breathe. The sea, glittering outside of his window, that he could never go to no matter how much he wanted to. His parents' words, so sharp and cruel, always in his ear.

The tap turns on.

Water rushes out at maximum strength, splashing against the sink. Changbin stands quickly and turns it off, staring at the sink in surprise.

"That's never happened before." He says, his eyes wide.

"Ghosts!" Jisung exclaims. Changbin shakes his head.

"Must be faulty." He says. "I'll call the janitor in the morning."

But Felix knows the truth. His tea is bubbling, and he puts his hand over the rim of the mug to hide it. The sudden overflow of his magic is a stark reminder that he'll never really fit in with humans, no matter how much he wants to.

Felix stands, clutching his mug tightly in his fingers. His knuckles are going white.

"I'm going to bed." He says quietly.

"Hey." Changbin says softly. He grabs Felix's elbow. "Are you okay?"

Changbin's eyes are so sincere and concerned that it hurts. Felix opens his mouth to speak when the door bursts open. They all turn to the kitchen doorway. To Felix's surprise, Chan is standing there, a black coat pulled over his black shirt.

"Hey, sorry I'm late, I-" Chan grins, suddenly, when he meets Felix's eyes. "Oh, Felix!"

Felix blinks. Chan shuffles into the room, brushing off his hair and collapsing into the seat beside Jisung. 

"Are you leaving?" Chan asks him, "That's a shame. I just got here."

Felix slips back into his seat wordlessly, and Changbin follows.

"Are we having coffee?" Chan asks, "God, I need coffee."

It's a pleasant surprise. Felix hasn't seen the kind stranger since the first time they met, that fateful moment on campus. Chan drinks from Jisung's coffee, leaning over him to read Changbin's notebook. 

"Chan writes music too." Changbin murmurs to him, "I invited him to hang out with us after I saw him perform at the bar with Jisung."

"You didn't tell me you performed." Felix says to Chan, surprised.

Chan turns to him, his eyes sparkling. His cheeks are a little pink from the cold, and he runs a hand through his hair, his mouth stained with coffee.

"Oh, it's embarrassing, really. I've only just started..."

"He's  _ amazing. _ " Jisung gushes.

"No, that's-" Chan ducks his head, smiling, his cheeks growing pinker, "I'm not really..."

Felix relaxes again as the conversation goes on around him. Though they've only met once, Chan's presence is bright and soothing. Everyone seems to light up around him, turning to him with admiring eyes.

"Felix likes music?" Jisung says. Felix blinks, rejoining the conversation with a smile when he hears his name.

"Well..." Felix starts.

"You should've told us." Changbin says, "We'll invite you to jam with us next time."

"I'm no good." Felix murmurs. 

"Oh, nonsense. I have an idea." Chan announces, leaning his elbows on the table. 

In the dark kitchen, he seems to sparkle with magic and happiness, relaxed under the moonlight shining through the window. He reminds Felix of the fairies in the royal forest, giggling as they dance around his head.

"Let's go out."

Jisung groans.

"I'd rather not."

"Oh, come on." Chan smiles slowly, "We need to give Felix the chance to dance."

"No-" Felix splutters, but Chan holds up his hand.

"Come on, come on." Chan says, "Drinks on me?"

"I'm in." Changbin says.

"Not tonight." Jisung smiles, "Next time, though."

Chan ruffles Jisung's hair.

"Felix?" He asks, turning towards him.

He came here for new experiences, didn't he? Felix had been craving fun and excitement. Music had been part of it too, the chance to freely move to human songs. _This_ life had only just begun.

Felix nods. It's a new beginning, after all.

*

"How was your first week?" Chan asks warmly. "Do you miss home yet?"

They walk together through the dark night, the stars shining down on them. Even now, as they make their way through the campus, Felix can smell the sea. It's enchanting, the way the stars flicker. 

The human realm, while more simple than his homeland, is so much more beautiful. Though there's only one moon, and there are less flowers and magic, Felix likes it much more.

"Not at all." Felix smiles.

Chan looks at him sharply, his eyes shining through the night. The street lamps on campus guide their way, making everything glow orange. Changbin walks slowly behind them, looking up at the sky.

"Why not?"

"I like it more here." Felix says, "I'm much happier."

"But why?"

Chan's tone is cold, and almost accusing. Felix looks at him in surprise. Chan's eyes seem to see straight through him.

"Don't you like it here too?"

Through the dark, Felix sees Chan's hard expression waver.

"It's not that." Chan says, "But what does this place have that your home doesn't?"

"It's complicated." Felix says. Chan's face softens, and he bumps their arms together, his presence warm and steady.

"Have you been to a bar before?" He asks, changing the subject.

"Nah." Felix smiles.

"You're in for a treat, then." Chan says, "The music is  _ so  _ good here. I'll buy you a drink, okay?"

Soon enough, Chan is pushing him gently through the door of a small building. Felix can already hear the music, pounding through the University bar and out into the campus. 

He laughs once he's inside, exhilarated by the loud noise vibrating through his body and the floor. Happiness bubbles inside of him. As if they can sense his good mood, Chan and Changbin are smiling too.

"Drinks!" Chan yells, pulling the two of them to the bar. "Have you drank before Felix?"

Felix shakes his head, bouncing on his feet. Already, he can feel the music thrumming through him. He's never felt it like this before.

While Chan orders, Felix looks out into crowd. The lights are a dim purple, casting faces in shadow and making Felix feel as if he's in a different world. He has a sweet taste in his mouth, and he grins as the students dance together, or laugh and talk over the sound of the music. It's a sight he's never seen before, an experience that had always been denied to him.

"It'll be fun." Changbin murmurs in his ear, leaning casually against the bar. Felix's grin widens.

"Here." Chan says, thrusting a glass into Felix's hands. "Drink up."

Felix takes a sip. The taste is sweet and a little bitter, but not so bad that he can't drink it. It feels warm when he swallows.

"I'm so excited!" Felix shouts. His joy seems to be infectious, or maybe he's just seeing the world through new eyes.

"Come on." Chan says.

He pulls Felix by his wrist into the crowd, where people are dancing. He smiles at Felix, his head moving in time to the music that's pounding in their ears.

"I'm so happy." Felix yells.

"What?" Chan shouts back.

"I'm so happy!" 

Chan still doesn't hear him, but his eyes crinkle when he smiles anyway. 

Felix lets himself relax, lets the music guide him. He dances freely, happy under the purple light. His wounds, and his past, seem to disappear into the thump of the music.

"You're good." Chan laughs, into his hear, his breath warm and his eyes sparkling. Felix grins. "You'll have to teach  _ me  _ how to dance."

"Thanks!" Felix yells. 

"What did you say?" Chan shouts back.

Felix just smiles.

For the first time, he feels comfortable in his human form. He'll have to thank Chan properly later, Felix thinks. But for now, he'll just dance.

*

The nightmares started a long time ago. 

Felix whimpers in his sleep, his blanket pulled over his face. Behind his eyes, tragedy flickers, pulling him further and further under the waves, and drowning him.

_ "What are you doing?" _

_ The king's face is hard, worn with scars and anger. His frown is deep as he pulls Felix away from the window roughly by his collar. Felix swallows, the magical sunset and the glittering sea that he'd been staring at through the library window fading from his mind. _

_ "Nothing." Felix says quietly. His voice is rough - he isn't used to speaking, usually remaining quiet under the accusing stares of his family. The library is dark, dimly lit, and smells old and suffocating.  _

_ "Get back to work then." _

_ The chair is hard underneath Felix when he collapses into it. He picks up a book, flicking through the pages. Outside, in the night, there is a festival. He can hear the music from the library. It calls to him, but he can't go. _

_ He has too much to do. The heir to the kingdom, he must study, and he must work, and then he must marry, and then he will be king. He will go to war against their rival kingdom, and that will be his life, again and again, forever. _

_ Felix sighs, trying to block out the noise. _

_ The armchair sinks into the ground. _

_ Felix is in the ocean, the sea crashing against him. This storm is particularly bad, and even his strong mermaid's tail can't help him now. He pushes against the current, his eyes narrowed, trying to see through the huge waves, but again and again he's thrown backwards. _

_ Please, he thinks, I'm almost there, I'm almost free. _

_ Pain shoots through his chest, and then his stomach, and then his back. Close to the shore, he's reached a rocky area, and the jagged rocks, as well as the glass that has been discarded here, is slicing into his skin. He winces, but he can't give up now. _

_ Felix finally reaches the shore, and collapses onto the beach. When he's out of the water, his mermaid tail shifts, and he takes on a human form. Exhausted, he curls up there and falls unconscious. _

_ He opens his eyes. His mother is staring down at him. Her mouth curls into a wicked grin, her eyes sparkling with malice. _

_ "Time to go home." She says, pulling on his arm, which stretches the wounds on his skin. It's unbearably painful. He doesn't want to go back. _

Felix wakes, gasping. It takes him a moment to realise he's not in his bedchamber in the castle, and the relief that passes over him is warm and overwhelming. He sighs, rubbing his face and sitting up.

There's a rushing sound, like water running.

When Felix looks across the room, there's dampness seeping onto the carpet from behind his bathroom door.

Felix grumbles to himself and walks across the room. When he opens the door, the shower is running, water overflowing. Felix steps across the damp ground and turns it off.

He leans against the wall, his heart aching.

Even now, he can't help but fear that his new found peace won't last. How long will it be before his family find him, their only heir, and bring him home again? He hopes to live this new life, one of colour and brightness, forever.


	2. seaside

There's a coffee shop on the edge of campus.

The glass door makes a gentle tinkle when Felix opens it. With wide eyes he takes in the small shop. The husky scent of coffee in the air is familiar. Snippets of murmured conversations reach his ears, as he steps into the queue. There are hanging plants, and abstract paintings on the wall.

Felix pulls at his backpack strap. The books he has to carry are heavy, and they do nothing to ease his wounds, which, while slowly healing, are still painful if he moves too sharply. The shadows under his eyes are dark enough to see.

Seeking comfort, Felix looks out of the large shop windows at the morning sky. He can see the waves in the distance, kissing the shoreline. Even after the pain the sea brought him on his long journey to the human realm, Felix still loves it dearly.

There's a tap on his shoulder.

Felix turns. Chan is smiling at him, his hands tucked into the pockets of his jacket. The morning sun casts a glow on his face, making the light in his eyes sparkle. Chance meetings between them seem to be happening more and more often, Felix thinks, like they're connected by a thread that pulls them towards each other.

"Morning." Chan says.

Chan runs a hand through his hair. He fits in here, with the sound of the murmured conversations, the notebooks open on tables, and the early morning sun. 

Still not quite awake, Felix nods in greeting. Chan seems so enthusiastic, for a morning, bouncing on his feet as he looks over the queue to the counter. Even in the castle, Felix had preferred the comfort of his bed sheets to the bright, busy mornings that were waiting to greet him. 

"The coffee here is  _ great. _ " Chan is saying, his voice drowned out by the indie music playing over the speakers, "It's cheap, too, and because it's so far from campus, there are always spaces to study."

Felix hums in acknowledgement, pulling at his backpack strap again. The pain of his wounds makes him wince, and he hides his grimace from Chan. The habit of not showing weakness has been ingrained to him since he was a child. He was raised to believe a strong king never feels pain.

"Felix?"

Felix blinks.

"What?"

"I said, are you staying long?"

"Oh," Felix says, stepping forward with Chan as the queue shortens, "Yeah, I have reading to do, I was going to study here."

"Great," Chan gives him a toothy grin, "We can study together, then."

Chan's friendliness, the way he keeps fitting himself into Felix's life, is something Felix isn't used to. At home, he'd been isolated from the village children, and condemned for speaking with his servants. His family's rule had been harsh and domineering on its subjects - he'd never met someone so delighted to be with him, before. Felix is used to cautious eyes, wary stares. Not the easy way Chan stands with him.

"I can't believe we have to study on the weekend," Chan is saying, a slight whine in his voice, "The term only started a month ago."

Felix smiles to himself.

"You sound just like Jisung." Felix says, teasing.

Chan nudges him.

"Hey! And here I was, about to buy your coffee."

Before Felix can protest the offer, the queue has thinned. Chan steps towards the counter before Felix can grab him. He turns back and winks, ignoring Felix's stubborn pout.

"Hey, Hyunjinnie." Chan says happily.

"You're here again?" The tall boy behind the counter asks. He has a gentle smile, and long blonde hair that tickles his shoulders. The apron tied around his waist suits him. 

"Will you give me a discount this time?" Chan asks.

"How many times do I have to tell you no?" Hyunjin laughs, "The usual?"

"You know it." Chan is leaning on the counter, at ease. "Get a cup for Felix, too."

Hyunjin's crinkled eyes flicker towards Felix. 

"Hi."

"Hey." Felix says in return, his ears turning pink at the sudden attention.

Hyunjin disappears into the back of the shop, switching on a machine and watching the coffee and cream fill the paper cup. He hums to himself as he works.

"You didn't have to buy my coffee." Felix grumbles.

"But I wanted to." Chan smiles, and Felix feels warm with gratitude.

The cups are placed on the counter, and Chan pays quickly. He carries their cups to a table by the window, and Felix follows, slipping into his seat. He's grateful for the view. The motion of the sea in his peripheral vision is a soothing sight. 

The paper cup is warm between his fingers. Felix takes a sip, and it soothes him, waking him up in process. He looks at Chan curiously. A fond smile twitches on his face when he sees  _ Channie  _ scrawled cutely onto the cup, with a little heart above the i.

"How do you know him?" Felix asks, while he takes his books from his bag.

"Who, Hyunjin?" Chan takes a huge gulp of coffee. "I come here basically every day. I kept annoying him, you know, asking him for a discount. He loves me though."

It seems an undisputed fact that anyone who meets Chan loves him. They must be drawn to his warm, safe energy, and his gentle, but steady, guidance. Felix nods in understanding. He opens his book to the bookmarked page.

But Chan just leans back in his chair, drinking his coffee. 

"Aren't you going to study?" Felix asks, amused.

Chan raises an eyebrow.

"I mean," He drawls, "I  _ could. _ "

Felix rolls his eyes, turning to the book. He doesn't mind the work, not really. He gets the chance to dance, to write, to learn about music, which had always been denied to him. Chan, on the other hand, seems lazy, playing with a piece of his hair.

"How have you been?"

Felix takes a few notes, his pen moving carefully across the page, before replying.

"You're just trying to procrastinate."

Chan mutters something under his breath. He puts the coffee back on the table.

"How's your coffee-" 

His voice dies when Felix looks up sharply. Chan laughs and holds up his hands.

"Okay, okay!"

He pulls a laptop from his bag, and there they sit, working together until the morning sun dims. Felix loses counts of the amount of pages he reads. At some point, Chan's presence becomes less distracting and more comforting. It's nice to have someone beside him, knowing that when he looks up, Chan will still be there.

This new reality is still strange to Felix. In every moment, he expects to blink and find himself back in the royal castle. He can't help but feel this peace is fleeting. But more and more, as his days in the human world go on, he has already begun to forget the suffocating air of his homeland.

Chan stretches all of a sudden. He goes to take a sip of coffee, but grimaces.

"Shit." Chan says. "It's cold."

"Are you sure?"

"Huh?"

"Just... check again."

Chan gives him an incredulous look, but he takes another sip of the coffee anyway. He blinks in surprise, his eyes going wide.

"It's hot!" Chan exclaims loudly, causing a few students to turn and look at them, "But how is that possible? It's been sitting there for God knows how long."

Felix just smiles mysteriously, turning back to the page he'd been reading. Perhaps being a mermaid isn't so bad, if he can make small moments of joy like this come to life. It's worth it for Chan's small shrug. He drinks the rest of his coffee gratefully as he stares at his laptop.

Eventually, morning fades into afternoon, bringing with it a darker sky and a warm breeze drifting through the coffee shop window. Felix closes his book, leaning on his hand to watch the clouds drift by.

"What are you thinking about?" Chan asks, not looking up from his laptop.

Felix pauses.

"This world is so beautiful." He murmurs. "I'm starting to feel at home here."

He feels comfortable admitting anything to Chan, as if they've known each other for hundreds of years. Perhaps it's naive of him, Felix thinks, after all, he's never had a friend before. But Chan seems so reliable. Whenever Felix least expects it, Chan seems to be standing right behind him, waiting to say hello. He's a steady, never ending presence, that hasn't left him since their first fateful meeting.

"Already?" Chan asks.

Felix nods.

"Aren't you too young to find your home?" Chan says, nonchalantly, his eyes trained on whatever is on his laptop screen. "Wherever you go, there'll be good things."

"Not everywhere." Felix says.

The silence is a little tense.

"I have a question." Felix says cautiously.

"Oh? What is it?"

Felix hesitates. 

"Between the place you loved, and the place you were meant to be, what would you choose?"

Chan looks up. His eyes never leave Felix's as he answers.

"The place I was meant to be." Chan says, his tone strangely certain. A chill passes over Felix's spine when he sees the hard look in Chan's eyes. "We should always sacrifice our own desires for the greater good. That's why I'm here, at this University. I would rather carry out my duty than be selfish."

This makes Felix swallow. The answer makes him uncomfortable, the guilt that he'd been suppressing since he swam here rising to the surface. He knows, deep inside, that he could've restored his kingdom to its former glory. But he didn't want that. He didn't want to be stuck in a place like that for any longer. As if on purpose, Chan's words hit him right where it hurts.

Chan's expression softens, his easy smile coming back onto his face. 

"What's with that serious look on your face?" He laughs.

Felix turns to the window.

"What are you doing for the rest of the day?" Chan asks.

This perks Felix up. 

"Actually, I want to learn how to bake." He says, "It looks so relaxing. I was going to buy some ingredients today and try it out."

Chan's eyes light up.

"Can I help?"

"Have you baked before?" Felix asks, surprised.

"Well," Chan rubs the back of his neck, " _ Technically,  _ I have. I'm just not very good at it. "

Felix grins.

"This will be fun, then."

"You don't mind my company?"

Felix meets his eyes. A burst of fondness takes him by surprise as he looks into Chan's warm, open face. One shoulder of his jacket has fallen down, and a strand of hair is covering his face. Felix wonders, suddenly, how much harder his University life would've been without Chan here with him.

"Why would you even ask that?" Felix smiles. "You already know the answer."

*

"What are you doing?" Felix laughs.

Chan lifts himself on the handle bars of trolley again, and speeds down the aisle, almost crashing into the cans and bottles stacked at the end. He turns back with a sheepish smile, and Felix hurries to keep up.

"Try it." Chan yells to him. "It's fun."

Somehow, Chan's bubbly energy makes the bright, unfamiliar atmosphere of the supermarket more appealing to Felix. He's only been here a few times, shuffling through the aisles with his eyebrows narrowed in confusion, so Chan's company puts him at ease. 

Perhaps that's why Felix can run up to the trolley to meet Chan and smile like that, his pink hair falling over his eyes.

"I'll do it!" He says happily.

It's simple things like this, Felix thinks, that makes the human world worth it. He grips the handlebars, and tries to drift like Chan did. He doesn't get very far, his feet landing on the tiled floor a few seconds later, but he still giggles happily.

"Right," Chan says. The bright lights in the supermarket reveal the subtleties of his face. There are dark shadows under his eyes, and when he smiles his eyes crinkle a little, like they're smiling too. "What are we looking for?"

Felix wrote the ingredients for Chocolate Chip Cookies carefully on a scrap piece of paper. He pulls it out of his pocket now, letting Chan pluck it out of hand.

"Where to first?" Felix asks.

Chan ducks his head.

"I hate to admit this," Chan says, "But I actually have no idea."

Felix bursts out laughing.

"What?" He asks, "But how do you even survive if you can't even shop at the supermarket?"

"You want the truth?" Chan's embarrassed smile makes Felix feel warm and fuzzy. He often moves so easily from confidence to shyness that it's endearing. "I steal my friend's food, most of the time. Or I order it."

Felix shakes his head. He looks up at the aisles.

"Come on, then." He says, "We'll work it out."

"Wait for me!" Chan says, trying to keep up with Felix and the trolley, which are rapidly moving down the  _ condiments  _ aisle.

It's nice, a small adventure, finding their way through the seemingly endless aisles. Eggs, butter, milk and more are thrown into the cart. There ends up being a lot more than they need, with snacks added for good measure.

As they walk, Felix makes Chan laugh with his impersonations, his voice growing louder and brighter as the time moves on. 

"Stop it." Chan laughs, clutching his stomach, while Felix reaches up to grab a baking tray. 

"You laugh too easily." Felix says.

"Or you're just funny."

"Stop flattering me," Felix says, "I know your game."

Chan pauses, a strange look passing over his face.

"What?"

"You want to eat all of the cookies." Felix says, smiling.

He doesn't quite understand the relief on Chan's face when he answers, but Felix shrugs it off, turning back to the aisles. It's the last one, and soon they'll be at the counter, so Felix looks over his list again, praying he hasn't forgotten anything.

Eventually, they reach the queue to be served. Chan is humming a song Felix doesn't know under his breath, standing behind him, while Felix waits. 

The boy serving them has an infectious smile despite the difficulties of his work. His name tag reads  _ Jeongin,  _ and he looks up from under his dark hair when Felix approaches.

"Good afternoon." He greets politely.

Jeongin scans the milk, and Felix jumps in surprise at the  _ beep  _ the monitor makes. Even after being here a month, Felix still isn't used to human technology or customs, and every now and again he's caught by surprise. 

"Alright?" Chan murmurs in his ear, amused. Felix shoots him a glare before turning back to the task at hand.

"Oh, are you baking?" Jeongin asks, his eyes crinkling with his smile when he sees the ingredients on the conveyor belt.

Felix nods.

"That's so fun!" His excitement seems genuine, "Just don't let your boyfriend over there destroy your kitchen, okay?"

There's a silence before Chan splutters. Felix looks over his shoulder and laughs when he sees Chan's face turn bright red.

"H-Hey!"

Felix and Jeongin giggle at Chan's protests. Jeongin winks at Felix and the final knots of tension in Felix's shoulders unwind. He's left with a comfortable feeling, and the thought that there's so much joy in simple, human moments. His life has been a series of extravagant moments - since he was born, he's been the mermaid prince, thought by his subjects to be destined to save the corrupt kingdom. He prefers this simplicity so much more.

Jeongin finishes scanning, and Felix bags the last item. Before they leave, Jeongin speaks to him again, his voice alight with warmth.

"Have a good day!" He exclaims, with a toothy smile. 

Chan grumbles something under his breath, but Felix smiles back.

"See you." He says shyly, and Jeongin waves them off.

The afternoon sun greets them, cracking the pavements. Chan stretches, turning to look at Felix with a mischievous smile.

"So," He says. "Was it a successful trip?.

Felix, holding the heavy bags, scowls at him.

"Why are you making me carry everything?"

"Payback." Chan drawls.

They walk side by side. Felix's wounds ache, painful with the weight of the ingredients, but he hardly even notices. When Chan looks up at the sky, his eyes squinting against the light of the sun, Felix wonders what he sees. It must be familiar to him, the faded blue, the clouds drifting by.

Felix looks up too. It's starting to become familiar, he thinks, it's begun to feel like his own.

*

Felix hands are covered in cookie batter.

He's decided the act of baking is soothing. There's a simple logic to it, and each ingredient is important in its own right. There's a certain science to baking, he thinks, and there's also a reward at the end, which always helps. 

He places another lump of dough carefully on a baking tray. He could use a spoon, but he likes the feeling of the cookies in his hands. It's his very own creation. Felix has never been able to  _ make  _ anything before. His whole life has been about submission and silence. To mould something from scratch feels like a blessing.

"Is there anything I can do?" Chan asks, for the eight time.

Felix turns to him with a smile. He sits at the table, sipping from a mug of coffee. Apart from a few chores, like washing the dishes or measuring the butter, he's been pretty uninvolved in the whole process.

"I'm almost finished." Felix says.

"Well, I guess you're the baker." Chan says, "I'm just the assistant."

Felix pouts.

"You were helpful, too."

Chan smiles, his fingers circling the rim of his mug. The afternoon passed them by before they even realised, the afternoon sun dimming. In the bright light of the dorm kitchen, Chan's eyes look weary.

Felix puts the last tray of cookies into the small oven. He shuts it, and then rubs his hands together, smiling proudly.

"Finished!"

"Good job," Chan smiles, "They're going to be delicious."

"No thanks to you." Felix teases.

"Yah!"

Felix giggles, turning away from Chan to put the last dishes by the sink. 

He's caught by surprise when he feels hands in his hair.

Flour, falling from Felix's hair onto his face, lands on his nose. Felix sneezes.

"Did you just-" Felix turns quickly. Chan is standing behind him, and he bursts out laughing when he sees Felix. He's been caught red handed - his fingers are covered in flour.

"Oh my God. You should see yourself."

"You-" Felix splutters. He grabs an egg, and he has the satisfaction of seeing Chan's eyes widen before it hits him and cracks square in the middle of his chest.

Chan's eyes narrow. 

"Oh," He drawls, "You're going to regret that."

The food fight that follows isn't one of Felix's proudest moments. By the time it's over, his hair is dripping and clothes are covered in flour. 

Chan is in a similarly bad state. His dark clothes, covered in ingredients, make him look even more ridiculous. Suddenly, Felix doubles over laughing, making Chan put down the jug of milk he was probably about to pour over Felix's head. Bastard, Felix thinks.

"What are you laughing at?"

Felix shakes his head, his cheeks beginning to hurt from his wide smile. Chan scowls at him.

"Are you done?"

"Sorry, sorry." He splutters, but he isn't.

"I can't believe we have to clean this up." Chan sighs.

"You started it!"

"You started it." Chan mimics under his breath.

Still, they smile at each other under the light of the setting sun. If anyone from his old kingdom could see Felix now, they wouldn't recognise him. The thought, along with the light in Chan's eyes, puts him at ease.

Chan steps forward.

"What are you-"

Felix swallows. Chan's hand cups his face, and he rubs his cheek with his thumb. Up close, his face is almost ethereal, and Felix breath hitches.

"There was- flour." Chan smiles sheepishly, his eyes flickering away shyly from Felix's gaze. "Got it."

There's a sound, like water hitting the roof. Chan steps backwards and looks out of the window.

"Oh," He says, "It's raining."

The rain is loud on the windows as it falls hard and fast. Only Felix knows why the weather has switched so quickly from the easy sunshine of the day to this sudden shower. With Chan's touch, his magic had sparked, on a much larger scale than the tap turning on or the shower running on its own.

"Isn't that strange?" Chan smiles at him, his eyes sparkling. There's a moment when Felix thinks he might somehow know everything.

Then the door opens, and the knowing glint in Chan's eyes disappears.

"The rain-" Jisung says, and then freezes. "What the hell did you do to my kitchen?"

Felix giggles.

"Sorry?"

The counter is covered in flour and yolk, and Jisung grimaces. 

"I can't believe this," He says, walking over to the bowl full of batter. He takes a spoon and starts eating from it, so when he speaks his cheeks are puffed up like a squirrel's. "You guys are children- wait, this is so good."

Felix smiles proudly.

"Really?"

Jisung swallows and nods.

"I'm gonna steal your cookies. Like, I'm not kidding." He decides, slipping into a chair at the table, "Just clean this up before Changbin comes back."

"He started it." Felix says weakly, and Jisung raises an eyebrow.

When Felix turns to Chan, he's looking out of the window with a sombre look on his face. It slips away when he realises Felix is looking at him, and he shows Felix his easy, familiar smile instead. It's like he's putting on a mask. It's so easy for Chan that Felix struggles to remember how the sad turn of his frown looked.

"They'll be done in ten minutes." Chan says.

Jisung grins.

"It's my lucky day."

*

"I can't believe you did that." Chan says breathlessly.

He's still laughing when he collapses into the armchair beside Felix's bed. He leans back against the seat, giggling the whole time, his eyes shut. Felix shakes his head, amused, and sits on the edge of the bed.

"The look on his face-" Chan mimes Felix pouring the entire bag of flour over Jisung's head, "I've never heard so many curses in one sentence before."

Felix shrugs and plops another cookie into his mouth. It's warm and gooey, not bad for a first time.

"I hope he's able to wash it out okay," Felix says, "Anyway, he has to forgive me because I gave him a full tray of cookies."

"You," Chan says, and shoves his side harshly so that he falls onto the bed, "Are evil."

The action sends a burst of pain through Felix's body. He winces, and turns his face away, but it's too late. Chan's smile has already faded into a concerned frown, and he's leaning over the chair.

"Are you okay?"

Felix nods, though he can feel blood seeping through his shirt. Chan had just been unlucky, had just touched the wrong place. He tries to ignore the pain.

"Are you hurt?" Chan says worriedly.

"It's nothing." Felix smiles.

Chan's eyes narrow.

"Show me." He says.

"But-"

"Felix. I won't ask you again." 

A shadow has passed over Chan's face. There's a hard tint to his voice that Felix has heard before, but never this intensely. Wordlessly, Felix pulls off his shirt.

Chan hisses. The bandages wrapped around his chest are certainly not pretty, Felix thinks. One, where Chan shoved him, is soaked with blood already. It drips down to his stomach. Embarrassed, Felix refuses to meet his eyes.

"Fuck." Chan says. "What happened to you?"

"It's really nothing." Felix says. He grabs the bandages from his bedside table. "I'll change it in the bathroom, just wait here-"

"No." Chan says, "I'll do it."

Felix freezes.

"What? Why would you do that?"

Felix finally looks up. In the dim light of his bedroom, Chan's face is entirely serious. With his frown lines, and the way he bites his cheek, he looks old and weary. But the look in his eyes is still kind, and Felix lets out a relieved sigh. There's no judgement in his face.

"Why?" Felix asks quietly.

"I'm your friend, right?"

Felix pauses. It takes a second before he nods. He's never had a friend before, but he can't think of any other word for the constant kindness Chan shows him.

"What are friends for?"

Slowly, Chan unwinds Felix's fingers from the bandages and takes them in his hand. He peels away the blood soaked bandage on Felix's carefully, revealing the deep wound beneath.

"Shit, that's going to leave a scar." Chan comments, his hands smoothing out the roll of bandage. He takes the scissors from the top of the dresser and cut off a strip easily, as if he's done it a million times before. "Are the others... like this?"

Felix nods. 

"Fuck, and I made you carry those bags..." Chan says suddenly. His face crumples.

"Hey!" Felix says quickly, "Don't. You didn't know."

A shadow of guilt is still present in Chan's eyes as he wraps the bandage around Felix's chest. 

"How did this happen?" He whispers. Even after he's tied the bandage tightly, his hands linger on it, pressed against Felix's chest.

"A swimming accident." Felix says. 

"Jesus, where were you swimming?" Chan says.

"Have you ever swam a long way, before?" Felix asks. 

"No, not really." Chan says. "Are you a good swimmer?"

Felix laughs.

"You could say that."

Chan looks at him from under his eyelashes, his eyes crinkling as if he gets the joke.

"You're mysterious," Chan says. He draws back from Felix reluctantly, settling into the armchair again. Felix pulls on his shirt. "Why do I feel like you have a lot of secrets?"

It's Felix's turn to feel guilt. He looks away from Chan's gaze, his eyes landing on the window. The rain is still falling heavily.

"One day," He says softly, "I'll tell you all of them."

There's nothing stopping him, after all. He's left that life behind now, so why does it matter if he tells a human about it? Chan would believe him. Chan would listen. He'll tell him, for sure.

"Really?"

Felix turns back to look at him when he hears the vulnerable note in Chan's voice. Chan looks back at him, and his face is so sad, and so tired. Felix wonders how much Chan hides from him, too, under the disguise of openness.

"Thanks," Chan smiles bitterly, "I wish I could do the same."

"Why..." Felix starts nervously, "Why can't you?"

Just as easily as it had come, Chan's gloomy mood slips away. He smiles, and Felix is left with an unease that he can't shake. From the moment he met Chan, it's crawled onto his shoulders and whispered in his ear that this is all too good to be true.

But it's a lie, right? Already, the human realm has brought him so much joy. It's brought him  _ Chan.  _ And neither of those things are going to leave him anytime soon, Felix thinks. 

Still slightly uneasy, Felix tries to smile back.

"Wanna hear some of my music?" Chan asks.

"Really?"

"'Course." Chan says. He grabs his laptop from his bag and crawls onto the bed beside Felix. "Let's see, let's see, what should I show you first..."

It's easy forget his wounds and Chan's secrets when they're sitting snugly on the bed, listening to Chan's self produced songs. Chan sits cross legged, explaining the meaning and process behind each song. He's animated and happy, waving his hands in the air as he talks.

Felix admires Chan's passion. Chan experiences music the same way Felix experiences dancing, and to share that deep, happy love is important to Felix. It's a human experience, Felix thinks, to find a meaning in life.

The moon rises, rays of moonlight falling in Chan's air. He seems to glow with magic as he talks, the music drifting around Felix's room, and the moment is completely perfect.

Felix slumps, his head resting on Chan's arm. Chan is warm and his presence is comfortable, and soon Felix, exhausted by the business of the day and his injures, has fallen asleep.

_ "Where are you going?" _

_ Felix freezes. He turns slowly, to find his mother standing behind him, her eyes sharp. The sea behind him rushes in his ears, and he stands close to the edge of the cliff, the wind ruffling his hair and royal robes. _

_ "I'm leaving here." Felix steps backwards. His voice, usually quite in his parents' presence, echoes around them. _

_ His mother smiles wickedly, following him. _

_ "You don't have the guts." She says, "Come back to the castle, child." _

_ Felix shakes his head. He takes another step backwards. _

_ "Where are you going to go? The human realm?" Her voice is mocking, all compassing. This is the voice that sent their kingdom to war for no reason other than power and bloodshed, the voice that has controlled him his whole life, the voice that had slain thousands of their kind. "They won't want you either." _

_ "You're wrong." _

_ "Oh, really?" She laughs. "Poor little Felix, too  _ **_kind_ ** _ to be a king? That's bullshit. You're just too weak to rule this kingdom. You'd rather runaway than do your duty." _

_ Felix stays silent. _

_ "You're not strong enough to survive the harsh seas anyway. You won't make it." _

_ A slow smile grows on Felix's face. _

_ "Watch me." He says. _

_ And he throws himself from the edge of the cliff. _

Felix wakes. 

He hears Chan's breathing first. His eyes flicker to the body beside him. Chan's eyes are shut, and his chest is rising and falling steadily. Finally, he looks at peace, the lines in his face smoothed out. He murmurs something in his sleep, shifting closer to Felix's side.

Felix sighs, moving so that he can rest his head on Chan's shoulder again. Chan is warm, and he smells of coffee and the sea and the cookies they'd eaten a few hours ago. The pain Felix went through to get here seems meaningless now. He's finally happy. He's finally  _ free. _ He sleeps again.

_ "Well, well," The king drawls, "What do we have here?" _

_ He steps closer to the person curled into a ball in the corner of the room. The dark hair, and the pale face, seems eerily familiar. The king pulls up the person's face by their hair roughly. It's Chan. _

_ Chan coughs, blood dripping from the corner of his mouth. _

_ "You know," The king says, "When they told me you betrayed us, I didn't believe it. Not until I saw your face now." _

_ He throws Chan against the wall. Chan cries out, curling up again to protect himself. _

_ "You know what we do with traitors, don't you?" The king asks. _

_ Chan stays silent. _

_ "Don't you?" The king asks again, his voice booming. His eyes flash blue and green, the colours of the sea, but his magic is ugly. _

_ From the wall, Chan makes an incoherent noise. _

_ "Tell me," He says, "Was it worth it?" _

_ Chan looks up. Though his hair is matted with blood, and he must be in unbearable pain, he smiles weakly. _

_ "Yes." _

Felix wakes again, this time gasping for breath.

His heartbeat slows when he realises Chan is still lying beside him. He's safe. Felix lets out a breath. He can hear the shower running furiously again, but he takes a moment to scan his eyes over Chan's face.

It was just a nightmare, Felix thinks, just his subconscious fears. But the dream had felt so real, and it unsettles him, makes him touch Chan's hand with his own to check he's really there.

"Snap out if it." He grumbles to himself.

He looks out of the window. The sun has risen, and the rain has faded into a slight drizzle. Felix stretches and stands, going to the shower to turn it off. He has a lecture soon, and though he's pained to leave Chan, he has to get ready.

Before he leaves the room, he takes one last look at Chan, sleeping in his clothes on top of Felix's covers. More of Felix's fears slip away, and he smiles at Chan's sleeping form before shutting the bedroom door quietly behind him.

He makes his way to the kitchen. When Felix opens the door, it's spotless, the counters practically shining, thanks to the efforts of the two of them and, despite his complaints, a reluctant Jisung.

"Morning," Changbin greets sleepily, running a hand through his hair. Felix smiles.

"Hey," He greets, "Oh, did you like my cookies?"

"Yeah, thanks for leaving me some." Changbin smiles, and Felix smiles back. Every day he feels closer to his housemates. Every day he feels like he settles into the human world just a little more.

"You can have more, just make sure to eat them before Jisung does."

"Noted." Changbin laughs.

Felix takes a batch from the fridge and wraps them in foil. He leaves a note on top, and checks it over once before leaving.

_ For Chan. _

_ Have a good day :) _

Then he turns back to Changbin.

"See you soon." He says.

Changbin smiles warmly.

"For sure." He says, "Let's hang out soon, okay? Go out to eat, or something."

Felix nods, hope bursting in his chest. As the days go on, he grows more sure that this is his life now. He  _ loves  _ it. He loves the sights, the simplicity, and the person he's becoming. Most of all, he loves his friends. The people around him are so sweet and welcoming, so friendly and unlike the kingdom he grew up in. He grows less awkward around them every day.

"Yeah," He says softly. "I'd like that."


	3. the pull of the current

Felix rests his chin on his hand.

The early mornings pass with hours of lectures and classes, bringing with them knowledge and exhaustion. Fridays are the longest days. Felix yawns and makes a note on his page, trying to focus. It's his last lecture of the week, and it feels endless.

Beside him, Lee Minho is resting his head on the table, his eyes shut. He's lying on his notebook, his dark hair falling over his face. Felix enjoys sitting beside him in lectures. He's funny and helpful, and they sometimes have murmured conversations that are masked by the lecturer's voice.

"What time is it?" Minho grumbles. Felix grins.

"Five minutes later than it was the last time you asked."

Minho opens his eyes to glare at him.

"Do you have any snacks?"

Felix shakes his head, and Minho pouts.

"'Course you don't." Minho says, and closes his eyes again.

In the early days, Felix had been intimidated by the lecture halls. The huge crowd of people, and the overwhelming amount of information from the lecturers, had been difficult for him to deal with. Now, though, he sits comfortably in his seat, despite his sleepy eyes.

"Gimme the notes later." Minho murmurs.

"Sure." Felix says warmly, and Minho's mouth quirks into a small smile.

Felix writes another note, his pen scratching against the paper. He wishes he had a coffee, at least, to tide him over for the. last hour. He imagines the sea. He can sense that the tide is out today, and he longs more than anything to be pulled into the current again.

"This is the longest hour of my life." Minho groans, and Felix agrees.

Still, he doesn't mind as much as he might if he were a human. Here, he learns about music, about how to compose, how to dance, how to listen closely. To learn things he  _ wants  _ to has been Felix's dream, and now he's here, he's determined not to waste it

Felix thinks of Chan's songs. They were composed with such thoughtfulness. Felix feels a little honoured, that Chan would show him a part of himself. He thinks of this, resting his freckled cheek in his hands, half listening to the long lecture.

Eventually, the last slide disappears from the screen and the lecturer begins to pack up his bag. Minho grins and jumps up from his seat, stumbling a little in his excitement. There are cat hairs on his jeans, and he runs a hand through his hair, making it ruffled.

"Finally!" He says, throwing his bag onto his shoulder. "I thought it would never end."

Felix stands too. Minho throws an arm around his shoulder and leads him to the door through the crowd of people.

"Wanna hang out tonight?" He says loudly, over the other conversations.

"Sorry," Felix says, "I have plans."

"Oh." Minho raises his eyebrows and nudges Felix's side teasingly. "Is it a date?"

Felix hesitates before answering.

"How can you tell whether or not it's a date?"

Minho blinks at him.

"Uh," He says, his ears turning pink. "You just... know?"

Felix laughs, shoving Minho away from him. They leave the lecture hall together in high spirits, the relief and joy of a Friday afternoon finally settling in. The windows in the hallway greet them with the light of the sun, pulling them away from the dark lecture hall and into the world again. 

There's a tap on his shoulder. Felix turns, and to his surprise Chan is standing there, smiling at him sheepishly. He's clutching a coffee cup, and the hood of his grey hoodie is pulled up.

"I'll get going." Minho says, and winks at Felix before disappearing into the crowd of people leaving the University building.

Chan holds out the coffee cup.

"Hey." He says, not meeting Felix's eyes. "Caffeine boost?"

Felix has begun to learn his habits. Like this one: when he's embarrassed, he ducks his head, smiling. It's endearing, and a fond smile settles onto Felix's face. There's no harm in teasing him a little, is there?

  
"Did you come all of the way here just to give this to me?" Felix asks, taking the cup. 

"Well, I was around."

Felix hums, taking a sip of coffee. It's exactly what he needed after a long week studying.

"I'm sure you said you were staying in bed today because you don't have any lectures." Felix says.

Chan grumbles something under his breath, and starts to walk away down the corridor. Felix laughs and catches up with him, walking closely beside him. He bumps their shoulders together.

"Thanks." Felix says.

Chan shrugs, pulling his hoodie further over his head. Felix swallows a lump in his throat.

"I wish I had a friend like you back home."

Chan stays silent. His hands in his pockets, his eyes focused on his shoes, he seems to close and so far all at once.

"It might've been easier." Felix says quietly. He swallows. "I might have stayed."

"Why did you leave? Will you never go back?" 

Felix shakes his head

"I'm so happy here," He says. "I wasn't myself at home. But... I feel like myself when i'm with you. I'm never going back."

He looks at Chan, smiling. But Chan has stopped walking, and his face has crumpled. He turns away.

"I just remembered I- I have something to do." Chan says quickly, with his back to him.

"Oh." Felix says, his voice small, "Are we still going out tonight?"

"Of course, I-" Chan shakes his head, stepping away."Sorry, Felix, I have to go."

Before Felix can blink, or stop him, Chan has disappeared. Felix looks down at his coffee cup, his eyebrows narrowed. 

_ Did I say something wrong? _

Strange, Felix thinks, how many more emotions he's experienced since coming to the human world. His chest aches, the sudden sadness blooming warm in his chest. He shakes it off, drinking more of the coffee. 

_ It hurts. _

More than anything, Felix just wants to pull Chan into his arms and say,  _ it's okay.  _ Whatever worries him, they could share it together, couldn't they?

*

"Do you want to talk about it?"

Chan stands in Felix's bedroom doorway that night, waiting for him to finish getting ready, shifting from one foot to the other. He's switched his hoodie for a dark jacket. Honestly, Felix had been scared he might not even turn up, so it's relief he feels as glances at himself in the mirror before turning back to Chan.

"I'm here for you, you know." Felix continues, in his low, soothing voice. He thinks of Chan changing his bandage in this very bedroom, and wants to repay the favour somehow. "You can talk to me."

Chan's smile is tight.

"Yeah, I know." He says, "Are you ready?"

The dismissal hurts, but Felix doesn't push. He runs a hand over his shirt. It's silk, and low cut at the neck, one of his favourite pieces from home. The silk is lined with glitter, and paired with his tight jeans, it fits him well.

He meets Chan's eyes.

"Do you like it?" He says, twirling. Chan grins at him for that, and Felix feels a burst of pride for being able to return the brightness to his face.

"Sure," Chan says, "It's pretty."

"Really?" Felix smiles mischievously, "Am I pretty, hyung?"

Chan's cheeks turn pink.

"You know you are." He grumbles. He leaves, probably to lurk in the kitchen. 

Felix laughs and runs to keep up. The pain of his wounds are easing every day, the deep cuts slowly healing. Perhaps one day soon he'll be able to swim in the ocean again without risking further injury to himself.

His spirits lifted, Felix turns up in the kitchen, where Changbin and Jisung are arm wrestling. The look on Jisung's face and the way the veins are straining in his neck suggests he isn't winning.

"He left." Changbin says casually, while Jisung struggles desperately. Felix grins and carries on.

Sure enough, Chan is already in the street. Felix catches up with him.

"Are we still going to the arcade then?" Felix asks.

"Sure," Chan says, under the starlight, his face illuminated by the street lamps. He doesn't quite smile, but a little of the tension already faded from his shoulders compared to outside the lecture hall. Felix can only hope that his company provides more comfort to him.

"Go easy on me, okay? I've never been to one before."

"Are you scared?"

"Yah!" Felix says, "I'm  _ not. _ "

Chan's mouth twitches into a smile, that he hides by walking faster. Felix tugs on his sleeve.

"I'm really not."

"Sure you're not."

They walk under the moonlight, their warm conversations disappearing into the night sky. Nights at home weren't comfortable for Felix. He hardly slept, terrified of what would come in the morning, and uncomfortable in the extravagant bed. There were many assassination attempts on his parents, and Felix too was never safe, not from his own kingdom, nor their rival one. Nightmares plagued him.

Now, though, he's safe. Felix had never thought that a starry night could be beautiful to him. He's never had better days, with his only worries being what to eat for lunch, and whatever Chan is hiding from him.

When they reach the arcade, Felix makes a noise of surprise. The bright lights and loud music are overwhelming.

"Come on," Chan yells, over the music.

Inside, the various games confuse him, the machinery strange and unfamiliar. But Chan is right there with him, and he leads Felix around the arcade with an excited voice.

"Look. It's easy." Chan laughs, holding a toy hammer. 

He raises his arms, takes a deep breath, and slams it off the platform. The numbers on the machine rise quickly, and Chan grins proudly, raising his hands in the air.

"Score!" He yells, and Felix laughs and grabs the hammer.

He stares at the arcade machine with a focused gaze that makes Chan giggle. Like Chan had, he raises his arms, and then hits the platform with it. The numbers rise quickly, and there's a sudden  _ ding ding ding. _

"H-Hey!" Chan says, "How did you do that?"

Felix bows gracefully. Serves you right, he thinks happily.

The next machine is a dance machine. Felix steps in time to the blue lights, while Chan struggles beside him, stumbling over his own feet. It's a mess, the two of them struggling to reign in their laughter when Chan slips and falls onto the carpet.

"Idiot." Felix says.

He holds out his hand to lift up Chan. The happy flush in Chan's cheek is visible even in the dark arcade. Felix has missed this - Chan's easy laughter, and the way his eyes smile. When Chan takes his hand, he tugs, and Felix falls on top of him in a fit of giggles.

Soon enough, the sound of coins slotting inside machines becomes familiar and almost addictive. They drive motorcycles, shoot zombies and yell at the machines when they lose. Felix loves the creativity, the  _ fun,  _ of this place. He's never experienced anything like it.

.Finally, they reach a game where you have to catch floating ducks on water using a pole with a hook on the end. There are prizes hanging from the stall and the man watching over it looks up from his comic book wearily when they approach.

"Do you know the rules?" He asks

"Yeah." Chan smiles, holding out a few coins. The man takes them.

"Three turns." He says.

And then he returns to his book.

Chan grabs the pole, looking up at the gifts on the wall.

"Watch this." He declares.

Carefully, his tongue between his teeth, Chan aims for the duck in the middle, trying to catch it. The duck catches on the hook and Chan whoops, but his excitement makes the duck plop back into the water.

Chan swears under his breath while Felix pats him on the back.

"My turn." He says.

But he has no luck either, though he tries twice. Felix pouts.

"Sorry." He says, "I used up all of our turns."

"That's okay, we can just-" Chan digs in his pockets. "Shit. I've run out of change."

"Hurry up. There's a line." The man points out. 

"What's your name?" Chan asks.

The man blinks at him.

"Seungmin?"

"Hi, Seungmin." Chan leans over the stall, smiling in that bashful, sweet sort of way that makes everyone want to grant his every wish. "Do you think you could give us one more turn?"

"No," Seungmin says immediately, "Rules are rules."

"Just one?"

"I said  _ no." _

"Please?"

Chan smiles until Seungmin's face softens. He looks like a puppy, with floppy hair and kind eyes.

"Fine!" He finally says, "But only one."

"That's all I need." Chan declares confidently. Seungmin shuts his comic book and turns to watch them curiously, and Chan raises an eyebrow at Felix as if to say,  _ that was too easy. _

This time, when the duck catches on the hook, Chan is ready for it. Carefully, he lifts it into the air and drops it into the basket beside them. Felix cheers, and Seungmin rolls his eyes as he gets their prize for them.

By the time they're leaving the arcade, their feet are tired but their smiles are huge. Chan clutches a plushie in his arms, while Felix drinks from the iced tea he bought from the small cafe inside the arcade.

"Did you have fun?" Chan asks.

"Of course." Felix smiles. 

Suddenly, Chan grabs his arm.

"Here." Chan says, holding out the plushie to him. "It's for you. I won it for you."

A light flush lights up Chan's cheeks. He turns his head away, smiling awkwardly. There's a sweetness in the gesture that is so lovely, so  _ Chan, _ that all Felix can do is take it from him.

"You won it for me?"

Chan rubs the back of his neck. Felix holds the plushie tightly in his arms, and there's a new, nervous flutter in his stomach.

"Well, I-" Chan swallows, "Felix, are you tired?"

"Huh?"

"Come with me." Chan starts walking again. 

"Where?"

Chan looks over his shoulder and his eyes sparkle mysteriously in the starry night.

"You'll see."

*

The bar they end up in is not like the first one Chan took him to.

The atmosphere is more mellow. Low lights, soft indie music, and a dark room where people sit quietly rather than dancing. There's a stage, and a woman is currently performing, strumming her guitar and crooning into the microphone. Chan leads him to the bar.

"Get whatever you want, it's on me." He says.

Felix looks around. In a booth in the corner, a couple are close, whispering in each other's ears. Felix flushes darkly and turns away.

"What should I-" Felix starts, but when he turns his head, Chan is gone.

Before Felix can get irritated at Chan for leaving him, a familiar man slides up next to him at the bar.

His face sparkles with glitter. His long hair isn't styled, just falls messily around his shoulders, but it suits him well. His dark shirt reveals a little of his chest, and he leans against the bar.

"Hey," He says warmly.

"Hyunjin, right?"

"The one and only." He smiles. "Did you come to see Chan too?"

"What?"

Hyunjin pauses. Realisation dawns on his face, and he just smirks and leans over the bar instead, yelling something to the bartender that Felix doesn't understand. When he returns, he has two identical drinks, and he gives one to Felix.

"I have a nice spot." He says, "You can come sit with us if you like."

Felix hesitates.

"Don't worry." Hyunjin laughs. "I'm assuming you came with Chan? He'll find you again. Come sit with us for now."

And so Felix follows him through the seats to the front of the room, where a few people who Felix is unfamiliar with have gathered. He slips into the booth beside Hyunjin, holding his drink awkwardly.

"Just relax and enjoy." Hyunjin murmurs in Felix's ear.

So Felix looks out onto the stage, which is all he can really see from the front of the bar. He takes a sip of the drink, and lets the soft conversations and gentle music around him lull him into relaxing.

To his surprise, Changbin and Jisung turn up at the table a few minutes later.

"Are we late?" Changbin asks, slipping into the seat opposite them. He smiles warmly at Felix. "Oh! I was wondering when Chan would take you here!"

"Felix!" Jisung says happily, giving him a hug before wedging himself in next to Changbin.

Felix opens his mouth to reply, but then the woman leaves the stage, and Hyunjin winks at him.

"Wait for it." He mouths.

So Felix watches, the plushie on his lap and the drink cold between his fingers. A figure comes on to the stage. His jacket is loose around his shoulders and his eyes glint in a way Felix has never seen before.  _ Chan.  _ He holds a microphone casually in his grip and as he saunters out, the whole room falls silence.

"What-" Felix tries to say.

"You ready?" Chan drawls into the microphone, and the room cheers. Chan smirks, and a shiver passes down Felix's spine.

Then the music starts.

It's a harsh beat, and Chan's voice is harsh along with with it. He raps in a passionate way that seems so unfitting compared to his gentle personality, but it works so well. The anger and sadness in his words is overwhelming.

Felix swallows, watching as Chan takes over the stage. His presence, his voice, draw Felix to him, like the pull of current. His heart hammers in his chest.

This a piece of him, Felix thinks. Chan took him here to show him another part of himself.

"I wish you could see the look on your face." Hyunjin laughs in his ear.

Chan is relentless, song after song enthralling the crowd. Whether it be rap or gentle vocals, he's stunning, and he captures them in his words and gaze. Felix can feel his pulse in his ears.

Then there's a moment, when Chan meets his gaze, and the whole world seems to still to that very moment. Chan smiles and raises an eyebrow, a merciless glint in his eyes. Felix is reminded of the feeling he gets when a huge wave crashes over him and swallows him in it. He can't breathe.

_ Oh,  _ Felix thinks.

Then the set ends, and Chan's sheepish smile is back. He bows awkwardly and says thank you, but Felix's heart is still betraying him. When Chan rushes over to their table, flushed and breathing hard, Felix stares down at his plushie with a blush in his freckled cheeks.

"How was I? Did I make any mistakes?" Chan asks in a rush.

He's smothered in hugs and congratulations and pulled into the booth with them. Unfortunately for Felix, it means Chan's pressed right against his side.

"Wicked," Jisung is saying, though Felix can hardly focus on his words. "How come you get better every time?"

Chan protests, smiling shyly. The conversation is loud and fun but Felix just sits, warmed by Chan pressed against his side, his heart beating far too quickly.

"Felix?" Chan murmurs to him. "What did you think?"

Felix turns to him. With his flushed face and shining eyes, still exhilarated from his performance, Chan looks unreal. 

Felix was never interested in anyone back at the kingdom. He'd never had the longing to marry like his parents wanted him to. In fact, the thought of loving someone, of being  _ in love  _ with them, was so far from his mind that he hadn't even thought of it before.

Now, though, he's sure of something. Looking into Chan's face, all he wants to do is kiss him.

"What?" Chan asks, embarrassed, "Why are you looking at me like that?"

"I, uh," Felix's voice cracks, "You were great, hyung. Really."

Chan smiles.

"Wanna get out of here?" He asks, perhaps sensing Felix is tense. He doesn't know why, Felix thinks, how could he?

*

The food place they find is cozy and quiet.

Felix settles into his seat. He eats happily with his chopsticks, the new tastes distracting him from Chan's presence. Chan eats with him too, leaning back in his chair and texting every now and again.

"Thanks," Felix says, through a mouthful of food. "For letting me see you perform, and stuff. I feel like I know you better now."

Chan's eyes crinkle when he smiles.

"Sure." He says, "You're my friend, aren't you? I trust you."

The evening has been so wonderful, like a night away from reality. Chan runs a hand through his hair, not noticing Felix's gaze on him. How much fun they have, he thinks. How much better his world is with Chan in it.

Underneath the table, Chan's leg brushes his.

"Sorry," Chan laughs.

The way Chan makes him feel is new, but not unpleasant. It's like a new day, with the tide pulling him in a different direction and the wind blowing somewhere new. Felix has never said no to an adventure.

_ Is it a date?  _ Minho had asked.

"Hey," Felix says casually, "Is this a date?"

Chan turns bright pink, and drops his chopsticks. They clatter against the table, and Chan stares at them fixedly.

"Uh." He says. Then he looks up into Felix's face, and then quickly looks away again. "I, um."

After a long silence Chan simply smiles shyly and holds out his chopsticks.

"Try this." He says.

"Are you avoiding the question?" Felix laughs, but he leans forward and takes the food in his mouth. "Oh, it's nice."

"For sure." Chan says, his voice coming out in a rush, "I love this restaurant, I come here a lot. Actually, I come so often sometimes I get free bottles of soju, which is really nice of them, you know?"

As he listens to Chan ramble nervously, Felix feels warm. It wasn't a no, he thinks. 

*

  
  


Felix doesn't want the night to end.

But there they are, standing in front of Felix's bedroom, the plushie clutched tightly in Felix's arms. Chan hovers, playing with his jacket sleeves.

"Wanna come in?" Felix asks.

Chan shakes his head.

"Nah, it's late." He says.

The more time Felix spends with him, the more he feels there's some unspoken secret between them, a treasure he's meant to keep safe. But he doesn't know what it is. Felix wonders how to bridge the gap between them, but he thinks it might be  _ Chan  _ who's hiding from  _ him,  _ not the other way around.

_ Why does it feel like Chan is always pretending? _

Chan showed him a part of himself tonight, but Felix still feels like he's only just scratched the surface.

"You'd tell me if there was anything you needed, right?" Felix asks softly. "You don't have to keeping hiding everything from me."

Chan looks away.

"Can't you just talk to me?" Felix pleads.

"Felix," He murmurs. "I wish I could explain but... It's not that easy."

Felix bites his lip.

"I don't understand why it can't be." Felix says, "I just want you to be happy."

Chan starts to say something, but Felix cuts him off.

" _ Really  _ happy." He says, "Not just pretending to be for my sake."

Chan sighs.

"Oh, come here." He says.

He wraps his arm around Felix's back tightly, hugging him close. Felix melts, hugging him back. He's warm. Though Chan trembles, he'll always be a safe place for Felix.

"Stop worrying so much about me." Chan says when he pulls away, ruffling Felix's hair. "Just rest well, okay?"

"Goodnight." Felix says quietly.

Chan smiles, turning away. It's a split second before Felix grabs his jacket.

"Will you..." Felix pauses, "Come in?"

Chan doesn't turn around.

"I have to show you something." Felix's voice is hesitant.

"Felix, I don't think that's a good idea-"

" _ Please. _ "

The walk into Felix's bedroom is silent, a hot tension hanging in the air. Felix swallows and leads Chan to the bathroom.

He'd specifically requested a room with a bath as well a shower when he'd started University. The huge amount of money he'd stolen from the King and Queen had persuaded the University of quite literally anything Felix wanted - a room by the sea, a bath, no questions asked about his qualifications or past. 

So now, Felix turns on the hot tap, the steam rising into the air. Chan hovers in the doorway, watching.

"What are you doing?"

Felix doesn't reply, even as the bath fills. He lets the water rise, watching the surface ripple.

"I trust you," Felix says, "So I want to show you me, okay?"

"Felix, you don't have to-"

"No, listen," Felix says, "I need to show you that you can trust me."

As the water runs, he smiles at Chan.

"I've never had a friend before." He says. "But you need to know that you can share  _ anything  _ with me. Anything you want."

The bath is full. Felix turns off the tap and undresses. He climbs into the hot water, his heart pounding but his spirit strong. He'll tell Chan the truth about himself, because he wants to. Because there's nothing more important than being known.

"See?" Felix whispers.

Where his legs should be is a long, winding mermaid's tale. It's pink, matching his hair, and it glitters in the bathtub. The scales shine under the water. Felix glances at Chan, who's staring at him open mouthed.

"Should I say I'm a mermaid?" Felix's mouth twitches with amusement. "Or is it already obvious enough?"

Chan comes to sit next to him, and perches on the side of the bath. Felix sees his hands trembling, but Chan quickly tucks them into his pockets.

Chan lets out a shaky breath.

"I came from a world far away from this one. I swam here. My kingdom was on land, but we worked underwater too." Felix murmurs, "I was a prince, but my kingdom- my kingdom was cursed. Well, it wasn't literally, but it should have been."

"My parents were cruel. They longed for power, and so they submitted their subjects to unfathomable cruelty, while declaring war on their rival kingdoms. One particular war, it was-" Felix swallows, "It was horrific, and it was the last straw for me. I left."

"To my parents, I was the kingdom's successor who would continue their rule. To everyone else, I was either a traitor to the kingdom or I was their only chance at freedom and I-" Felix pauses, "I took the easy way out. I couldn't stay there anymore, I couldn't deal with anymore bloodshed. I wanted to be  _ me,  _ not who everyone wanted me to be. I wanted to be free."

Felix leans his head back against the bath.

"So I came here, and I've not regretted it since." He looks at Chan from under his eyelashes, "I met you, and thanks to you this world has become wonderful to me."

Felix tries to get Chan to look at him.

"So that's me, okay?" Felix says, "You know everything now. You have all of me."

Chan swallows and looks at him.

_ What does he see? _

With a trembling hand, Chan puts his hand under the water and runs his hand over the surface of Felix's tail. Felix shivers, his eyes fluttering shut. The touch is soft and warm and Chan continues to stroke him like that, gently, as if he's something precious.

Chan let's out an awed sigh, and Felix thinks he might break in two.

"Thank you," Chan says quietly.

Felix opens his eyes.

"What for?"

Chan smiles crookedly, and doesn't say anything. The minutes stretch on, a sweet moment for the two of them, before Chan pulls his hand away.

"It really is getting late."

Felix blinks.

"Don't you have any questions?" He asks, "I just told you- _ showed  _ you I'm a mermaid, and that's all you have to say?"

"Oh, sorry." Chan rolls his eyes. "What do you  _ want  _ me to say, your majesty?"

Felix splashes him with water, laughing.

"Get out of here."

"You don't mean that." Chan stands and ruffles Felix's hair. "It doesn't change anything. I mean, thanks for trusting me with this, but... you're still the same person to me."

It means a lot to Felix, that his confession doesn't change Chan's perception fo him, doesn't ruin the friendship they've formed. His father had always told him that mermaids and humans would never be friends, but he'd never believed it. Chan is the proof.

"Shouldn't you be more shocked?"

"Probably." Chan laughs. "But I've always been open minded."

Felix climbs out of the bath and wraps himself in a dressing gown as his human legs return.

"But it really is late," Chan says. 

"Okay, okay." Felix says, and walks him to the door.

Looking into Chan's face, Felix does feel like some wall between them has been splintered, just a little. Through the gaps and holes in Chan's armour, might they be closer? It's his turn now, Felix thinks. But he could wait forever for Chan to show himself truly.

"Thank you for listening to me." Felix says, leaning in the doorway while Chan stands just outside of the bedroom. "It means a lot to me."

"Don't mention it." Chan says sweetly, "Please rest, now, okay prince?"

"Don't call me that." Felix laughs.

Chan smiles at him. Felix has an uneasy feeling that if Chan leaves, he might never come back. Still, Felix thinks, the pull of the current is strong. He'll find Chan, no matter what.

"Felix," Chan says, "I don't deserve you."

Felix opens his mouth, but Chan shakes his head. His gaze is dark and heavy, but he turns to leave anyway, despite the words Felix knows he must be holding back.

"Hyung." Felix calls.

Chan stops walking, his back still to Felix.

"We'll always be friends, won't we?"

"Yeah," Chan says, and it sounds like a lie, "Of course we will."

*

From then on Felix has a recurring nightmare.

_ He's in his bed, safe and sound in the human realm he's made a home. Smiling, he snuggles further into the blankets, tucking himself into the warm corner. _

_ It doesn't last. _

_ There's a hand on his leg. Pulling him from the warm sheets, onto the hard floor, and away. Away from here, with a cold, tight grip around his skin, dragging him away from the human world relentlessly. Felix can't see him in the dark, just his shadow. _

_ "Who are you?" Felix cries. "Why are you doing this?" _

_ The man turns, and his eyes glint in the dark. Chan. _


	4. storm

Felix runs a hand over his face.

The studio he works in the most as part of his degree is a small, box-like room with a computer and speakers. It has a small window, looking out on the beach, and chair with a broken leg. 

Felix yawns and watches another cat video, his latest academic project long forgotten.

There's a breeze from the ajar window. It passes over Felix's face and ruffles his hair. The smell of the sea calls to him, enticing him more than the dark studio and the sting of exhaustion behind his eyes. It's not that he doesn't like creating music. In fact, producing songs and dancing during his degree have become a lifeline for him. But hard work and lack of sleep have dulled his spirit.

There's a gentle click as the door of the studio opens. When Felix tilts his head back, he sees Minho is hovering in the doorway.

"Hey-" Minho begins, and then winces when he sees Felix's face. "You don't look so good."

Minho steps inside with his hands in his jacket pockets. He hops onto the desk beside Felix's chair.

"How long has it been since you slept?" Minho asks. Felix raises an eyebrow at the question, and Minho cackles. "Yeah, that's what I thought."

End of year assignments have been taking a toll on everyone, Felix thinks. His housemates seem stressed - Jisung has taken to locking himself in his room, and Changbin wanders around the apartment in the early hours of the morning. Their flat smells permanently of coffee and take out food.

But it isn't just the work which bothers Felix. It isn't only the pile of assignments which keeps him up at night. It's the memory of Chan's hand, gentle on his tail. It's his awed sigh. It's his raspy voice when he performs. It's the nightmares with Chan at the centre. 

Felix is drowning in thoughts of him.

"You should get some rest." Minho ruffles his hair.

"Thanks, hyung." 

"I'm serious." Minho swings his legs, looking out at the small studio. "You work too hard. Or I don't work hard enough."

Though Minho downplays it, Felix knows he spends nights working, and that he agonizes over the smallest details. He's always trying to improve, and Felix has always admired that attitude. He doesn't have to say it, though. Minho already knows.

"Did you get the brownies?" Felix asks.

Minho's face lights up.

"Brownies? Where?"

"You weren't home, so I gave them to your housemate."

Minho gives him a sheepish smile. When he looks away, embarrassed, Felix thinks he must be grateful. He doesn't say anything, but his gratitude is warm in the air, and once again Felix is grateful for the friends he's made here, in a world that was once just a dream to him.

"How's Chan, by the way?" Minho says casually, and the warm mood is broken. He looks at Felix with sharp, teasing eyes that seem to look right through him, straight to his pounding heart.

"Uh."

"I've heard all about it." Minho continues, swinging his legs. Of course he has, Felix thinks. There's nothing Minho doesn't know. "You guys are  _ inseperable,  _ apparently. Everyone thinks you're dating. And by everyone, I mean Jisung."

"We're not- wait, how do you know Jisung?"

Minho shrugs.

"I know everyone."

It's  _ Chan's  _ fault, Felix thinks. Everywhere he goes, Chan seems to be there waiting for him. Even when he's not, Felix still imagines him. Like now, in his mind's eye, Chan is sitting on the desk beside Minho, smiling with his head in his hand.

"What  _ I  _ want to know," Minho says, "Is what's  _ really  _ going on."

"Huh?"

Minho raises an eyebrow.

"Come on, I know you by now. Something's up." Minho says, "Tell me everything."

Felix is silent, clicking on another cat video.

"Spit it out." Minho flicks his forehead.

"It's just-" Felix pauses, and tries again. "I think he's hiding something from me."

"Have you tried asking him about it?"

"Yeah, but he just... he never talks about it." Felix shrugs. "I trust him, you know? But I... told him things about me that no one else knows. I just wish he could trust me too."

Minho nods, listening.

"Hyung, I  _ really  _ like him, but what if he doesn't-"

"You don't have to worry about that, at least," Minho laughs, "Any idiot could see he's in love with you."

"What do you mean  _ love-"  _ Felix splutters.

"Sorry, just teasing." Minho smirks. He's really not sorry. "But trust me. I've heard Chan's a good guy. Maybe it'll just take time for him to talk to you."

"Do you think so?"

"You know I wouldn't lie to you." 

Felix nods. A little of the burden slips from his shoulders. Sometimes, talking to Minho gives him the same feeling that the brush of the ocean around his tail gives him: a calm, radiant joy. Perhaps, he thinks, he just has to wait.

Minho glances at the clock on the wall and jumps down from the table.

"I have to go to work." He gives Felix a small smile, one of his genuine ones, and pinches his cheek. "Thanks for the brownies."

"Eat well." Felix smiles.

The silence that follows once Minho leaves is no longer stifling. Felix opens his project again, the anxious part of him at ease. Whatever happens, he thinks, I'll always have my friends to fall back on.

*

The University libraries are busy at this time of year.

Felix hears the hum of quiet conversation and fingertips on keyboards as he hovers by the bookshelf. He stares curiously at the titles, thumbing through one every now and again with his gloved hands. 

The library in his kingdom had been dark and damp, and the books had been as old as time. Often, the history he was taught and the magic he learned was cruel - battles, curses, and the rules of the mermaids, which still were scarred into his brain even now. 

But the university library is bright and warm. There's a small cafe, there's soft laughter and the turning of pages, there's the simplicity that Felix has come to expect, and love, from the human realm. He breathes easily, taking another book on music and dance theory from the shelf and turning to the front page. 

"Hey, mermaid," A warm voice murmurs in his ear, "What are you reading?"

Felix jumps and drops the book. Beside him, Chan laughs, leaning against the bookshelf. He doesn't look extraordinary. His hair is messy, and his hoodie is old and hangs loosely on him. But at the sight of him, a warm, lovely feeling settles in Felix's chest.

"You're a child." Felix says, picking up the book and pointing it at Chan. He ignores the flush in his own cheeks, though his traitorous heart can't help but remember the way Chan's lips had almost brushed the skin of his ear.

"I'm not."

" _ I'm not. _ " Felix mimics, putting on a silly voice, "This is a  _ library,  _ hyung _.  _ It's for  _ learning." _

"Is it?" Chan grins, "I thought it was for wasting time."

"Of course you did." 

Still, though the conversation is light, there's still that warm feeling in Felix's chest. It doesn't ease. Not when Chan shoves him playfully. Not when he hits Chan with the book. Not when Chan covers his face, laughing.

"Go away." Felix says, " _ I  _ have work to do."

"So do I." Chan sighs dramatically. But then he pauses, and when he speaks again, his voice is sad. The playfulness falls from his face.

"Honestly, I don't want to work anymore. I want to quit. I want all of this to be over."

Something about Chan's words feel strange.

"University, you mean?" Felix asks.

Chan falls silent.

"Yeah," He says finally. His smile is gone, by now. "University."

Again, Felix thinks, words go unspoken. Whatever Chan keeps hidden, whatever scars he hides, they are kept secret for another day. It's maddening, the way Chan's face will fall so quickly, as his walls crumble for just a moment before being rebuilt just as quickly.

The only thing Felix can do is make it easier for him.

"Buy me tea." He says, forcing a teasing smile onto his face, "That's what I keep you around for, after all."

He expects Chan's mask to go back up. He expects the easy laughter, the shallow smiles, to return. Like every time before this, Felix expects Chan to hide from him. But the vulnerability doesn't fade from Chan's eyes.

Suddenly, Chan reaches for Felix and pulls him to his chest. 

His hands clutch Felix's jacket like he needs something to hold onto, and Felix is smothered by his hoodie. Chan stays there for a while, gripping him. Felix smells his cologne, sinks into his old hoodie, and the whole world fades into the way Chan buries his face into Felix's hair. He's so warm, Felix thinks, so safe. And Felix knows in this moment that Chan finds as much comfort in him as he does in Chan.

Then why, he thinks, why won't he talk to me?

There, his voice muffled by Felix's hair, Chan speaks.

"You won't leave me, right?" Chan asks. 

Chan's grip is strong and tight, but his voice shakes like he's on the verge of tears, and even now Felix doesn't know  _ why.  _ Still, he puts his arms around Chan's back and holds him tightly, steadying him.

"Idiot." Felix says. "How could I?"

"You will," Chan says, "Once you know the truth, you will."

Felix doubts anything could drive him away from Chan. Chan who buys him coffee, who helps him experience new things, who made him comfortable when he was thrown into a new world. Chan who's at every corner, in every moment, waiting for him. Chan who hugs him, who laughs with him, who smiles at him like they're the only two people in the world. Chan who he loves.

"I won't." Felix says, and means it.

"Please, don't say that." Chan says, even as he grips Felix tighter. 

"But it's true."

Chan takes a ragged breath.

"I can't keep doing this." He murmurs.

"Doing what?"

The silence is final. Even in this moment, when Felix knows Chan is being the most vulnerable he's ever been with him, there's a limit to how much Chan will show. Still, Felix thinks hopefully, perhaps the cracks in Chan's armour are widening, wearing away with time. Perhaps it's a step forward.

Felix gently untangles himself from Chan's arms.

"Listen to me." He says firmly. He looks into Chan's face, where there seems to be nothing but pain. "You can tell me anything. No matter what, I'll be right beside you."

Chan's lips part. He lets out a breath into the silence.

And to Felix's surprise, he smiles.

It's the smallest, but most sincere, smile that Felix has ever seen from him.

"Do you know," He says quietly, "You're beautiful, Felix."

Felix's eyes widen.

"That's the most honest thing I've said so far." Chan says, and runs a hand over his weary face.

Sometimes, Felix thinks, a storm doesn't come all at once. The waves might pick up, the rain might start, but no one can tell that the storm is coming until the late hours bring lightening and thunder. When Felix first met Chan, he went from that soft drizzle of rain to lightning, to the thunder in his chest, his feelings growing like a storm the more time they spent together.

"Chan-" He starts, "I-"

"Hi!" A cheery voice says, "Remember me?"

Felix blinks. 

Behind Chan, a boy is waving at him, his smile toothy and shy and his eyes crinkled. Without his uniform from the supermarket, it takes Felix a while to recognise him. Still, that smile is too unique to forget. 

"Oh! Jeongin!" He smiles. "Hi!"

"You go to this university too?" Jeongin bounces up to them, "This is so great-"

While Jeongin rambles, Felix watches Chan retreat into himself, until his usual polite smile has returned to his face. When will this be over, he thinks, as Chan smooths down his hoodie.

"Sorry." Chan says, "I just remembered, I have a class in like, ten minutes."

There shouldn't be anything out of the ordinary, when Chan gives them a bright smile and ruffles Felix's hair. So why does it hurt this much, Felix thinks.

"See you soon?" Felix asks.

Chan looks at him for a moment, his hand still resting on Felix's head. He opens his mouth to say something, then closes it again.

Then he's gone.

Jeongin pats his arm.

"What's up with your boyfriend?" He asks.

"I wish I knew." Felix laughs weakly. He shakes off his unease and smiles at Jeongin. "Want to sit together?"

"If we can find a free seat," Jeongin grimaces, gesturing to the full library beyond the shelves, "Then I'd love to."

*

"I think a storm's coming." Changbin says.

He's leaning against their kitchen counter, staring out of the window and drinking from a bottle. Beside him. Outside, the sound of the rain is lulling, and Changbin seems to enjoy it. He looks out of the window or scribbles in his notebook. Probably writing lyrics, Felix thinks, watching him from his seat at the table.

"I'm sure the sunshine will come back soon."

"You think so?" Changbin says, and the rain gets harder, "Nah."

Felix loves nights like these. As the moon rises, the peace between the two housemates grows, and their conversations slips in and out of focus. Felix takes a bite of toast.

"Ready for your exams?" He says, through a mouthful of food. Changbin shoots him a glare.

"I'm relaxing." He points his pen at Felix. "Don't talk to me about work."

Felix sticks out his tongue, but falls silent anyway. Above all, he wants the people around him to be happy, and he smiles to himself as he eats his toast. As the rain falls, he thinks once more that this is where he's meant to be. Always, he'll stay in this human world. By now, he's forgotten he ever had any other home. 

"You're doing okay though, right?" Felix asks warmly.

Changbin's face softens, and he gives Felix an embarrassed smile.

"Don't worry about me." He says gruffly, his eyes flickering to the window, "What about you?"

"Huh?"

"How are  _ you  _ doing?"

"I-" Felix considers lying, but doesn't. "I'm tired."

Tired of work, of nightmares, of worrying about Chan. Changbin nods. 

"Let hyung take you out for food soon." He says softly. It's his own form of comfort, and it makes Felix smile. Tucked in his dressing gown, his hair a little fluffy, Changbin is small and sweet. "Okay?"

Felix nods. And like that, as if a warm blanket has been placed on his shoulders, Felix feels comforted. 

Yes, Felix thinks, the rain will end. The sun will come back to them soon enough.

"I just heard thunder."

"You didn't." Felix laughs.

"Yah! I did!"

That's how they are when their peace is disrupted. Changbin's slippers tapping on the floor as if to a song, his eyes flickering between his notebook, the rain, and Felix. Felix's toast, half finished, sitting on the table as he smiles. It's warm and quiet, and then-

Then the door slams open.

"I, uh-" Chan stands in the doorway, dripping rain onto the laminated tiles, his hair flattened to his forehead. He runs a shaky hand through his hair. His eyes are rimmed red when he looks at Felix. "I-"

Changbin slips from the counter and disappears from the kitchen without a word.

"Sorry," Chan says, "I shouldn't be here, but I-"

When his voice cracks, it breaks something inside of Felix. He stands quickly, and takes Chan's hand, pulling him up to his room with a soft  _ come on. _

"I didn't know where else to go." Chan says, when Felix sits him on the bed. "I'm sorry."

Felix sighs and pulls a blanket around Chan's shoulders. 

"Never apologise for coming to me." Felix says.

Chan swallows. He looks so small, burrowed inside of Felix's blanket, his head bent. It hurts to see, but Felix kneels in front of him and brushes the wet hair out of his eyes anyway. He's still so pretty, Felix thinks.

"What is it?" Felix murmurs. "Sweetheart, what's wrong?"

All Chan does is lean into his hand and close his eyes. Angel, Felix thinks sadly, just talk to me.

"You don't always have to be strong." Felix says, "Lean on me."

"I want to." Chan sighs.

"Then why-" Felix swallows his words. Not now, he thinks.

"I'm here." He says, instead. 

In the silence, Chan sniffs and rubs his eyes.

"Remember when you asked me," Chan says, "What I would choose, between what I loved and my duty?"

Felix nods. He remembers the hard look in Chan's eyes, the husky smell in the cafe, the chill that passed down his spine at Chan's answer.

"I don't know anymore," He murmurs, "I don't know, Felix. Why the fuck don't I know?"

He doesn't know what Chan means, but he listens anyway, his hand still in Chan's hair. Whatever he needs, Felix thinks, I'll be beside him. Just as Chan had guided him through the human world, Felix will guide him through this sadness, with a gentle hand on his back.

"It's okay." Felix murmurs.

"It's not." Chan takes a shaky breath, blinking the tears out of his eyes."You don't understand, nothing is okay, I can't- tell me what to do-"

"It's okay. You can cry." Felix says, "I'm here. It's okay."

"You shouldn't say that. It just makes it hurt more."

"Now really." Felix pats his head and smiles. "You were here for me when I first came here. It's my turn now." 

Chan leans his head against Felix's chest.

"What do I do?" He says into his sweater.

Felix sighs at the question, because he can't answer it. But still, Chan's pain is his own, rising in his chest, in his throat, making tears spring to his eyes. Why, Felix thinks, why is he torturing himself this much? What for?

"Sorry," Chan says, "Let me be weak for just a little longer."

Really, Felix thinks to himself, do you think it'll make me love you any less?

All Felix can do is hold him while they cry.

Eventually, Chan sits up and scrubs his face with his hands. He smiles at Felix weakly, and it's a start, if nothing else. His armour is crumbling, Felix thinks, piece by piece. But Felix will be there to shield him when it falls.

"I haven't been myself lately." Chan says, "I'm sorry."

No, Felix thinks, you're more yourself than you've ever been.

"Forgive me?"

Felix sighs and tilts his head, though his irritation is softened by the slight smile Chan is giving him.

"Will you ever tell me?" Felix asks, "What it is you're hiding?"

"Sorry, sunshine," Chan says, "I can't risk losing you."

Really, Felix thinks, what could be worse than the wounds fading on Felix's body? What could be so much more important to be hide than the secrets Felix had told him so easily? Chan's secrets sting like the rocks on the sea, like his nightmares, and Felix turns his face away.

"Don't be mad." Chan says gently. "Just let us stay like this for a while longer."

He's desperate, Felix thinks sadly, he's desperate to pretend.

"Okay." Felix sighs. "I'll make coffee."

"Better make it soju." Chan laughs, and to be honest, Felix agrees. 

So they sit, as the rain pours, on Felix's bed, passing the bottle of soju between them. Chan is humming a song under his breath, and Felix thinks he's heard it before. Chan's tears have dried, and some of the brightness has returned to his eyes. 

He begins to tap a rhythm on Felix's knee.

"Tell me about your kingdom." He says.

"Well," Felix says sleepily, watching the raindrops on his window pane, "I was locked in the castle, most of the time, so I didn't get to see much of it except for during ceremonies. But I remember the music."

Felix sighs wistfully.

"I used to sit in my bedroom - it faced the kingdom you know - and listen every night to the music from the market square. I remember how much I wanted to be there with them."

"It's selfish, but I never wanted to be king. Do you know what it's like to be locked in a cage? You wouldn't understand, but that's what it felt like."

Chan clenches his jaw, a flash of anger passing over his face.

"What?"

"Nothing," Chan says quietly, "I just understand better than you think."

Felix looks at him thoughtfully for a moment.

"I know what you think of me." He says, "You think I'm selfish. You think I should've stayed."

Chan takes a long drink of soju.

"I've been a little harsh on you." He looks up at Felix from under his eyelashes, "But I'm starting to understand you now."

Felix swallows a lump in his throat. Chan, shrouded in moonlight, his face softened, is a secret Felix doesn't know. A treasure he wants to keep, unattainable and beyond understanding. Still, Felix thinks, I want him beside me.

Chan stretches and stands from the bed. He holds out his hand for Felix.

"I should go. I have a lot to think about." Chan says. When Felix takes his hand, Chan pulls him to his feet. "Come on, see me to the door."

"You're so demanding."

Chan's eyes light up for a moment.

"I am, aren't I?"

"Just go." Felix laughs, and shoves him out of the bedroom door.

Through the kitchen, out to the front door, where they wait for a moment. Chan looks down at Felix with gentle eyes. Now that his hair is drying, and his eyes are not so red, he looks more composed. Still fragile, but standing, almost smiling, without trembling hands.

"Goodnight, then." Chan says.

"Goodnight." Felix smiles.

Chan hovers for a moment.

"You know, sunshine," He says, "I'm so glad I met you."

The words settle, warm and strong. Felix's heart flutters.

"Huh?"

"It's just-" Chan pauses. "Haven't we had fun together? I'm so glad."

They had sunny, bright days, alight with Chan's laughter. Felix will never forget them.

"Next time we meet," Chan says, "We'll have fun again. I promise I won't be sad anymore."

You're allowed to be sad, Felix thinks, but his thoughts stutter when Chan reaches out and cups his cheek in his hand.

Chan's palm is warm, his fingertips resting gently on Felix's freckled cheek, and though it's bittersweet, Felix thinks it would be okay to stay in this moment forever. Just for now, he wants to savour the feeling, even if it comes with the cost of Chan's secrets.

Chan's thumb brushes across his cheek.

"How long do I have to tell myself to stop before I do?" Chan murmurs to himself.

Then don't, Felix thinks, his eyes flickering to Chan's mouth, don't stop.

Chan's hand moves from Felix's cheek, to his chin. He leans down, and lifts Felix's chin, and for a moment Felix thinks he's going to kiss him. He can feel Chan's small breaths against his skin. He can feel the warm, steady beat of his own heart. Felix smiles and closes his eyes.

Then Chan rests their foreheads together.

"Goodnight." He says again, and pulls away.

After Chan leaves, Felix rests his head against the cool wood of the door for a long time.

The rain finally stops. The sun comes out from behind the clouds. But, Felix thinks, Changbin was right. There's a storm coming.

*

"Where exactly are we going?" Chan laughs.

The city streets bustle with people. Felix enjoys the atmosphere outside of campus. In the city, which is a twenty minute drive from the university, there's so much to see and do. There are new sights, new people, even a different smell in the air.

He'd wandered these streets a few times now, but never with Chan. So they walk together now, through the tall buildings and busy stores, their arms brushing every now and again. It's easy enough to ignore his pounding heart, when Felix can be distracted by the lights and the people. It's better than thinking about that moment in Felix's doorway, when Chan had leaned down, and-

"You'll see." Felix says.

Chan bounces on his feet. There's a familiar smile on his face, an excited look in his eyes, that makes Felix feel at ease. Today we're pretending, then, Felix thinks, but he doesn't mind playing along with Chan's act. For now, it's okay. He'll let Chan be selfish.

(But the memory of the tense, warm silence, Chan's hand on his chin and his breath on Felix's mouth, just won't fade away, no matter how much Felix suppresses it).

"The smoothie's good, by the way." Chan takes a sip from the straw and hums happily. "God, I love these."

"Good, because it was expensive." Felix grumbles.

"I mean, it's nothing compared to the amount of coffees I bought you-"

"You  _ offered. _ " Felix points out. 

"So did you."

"No, I was  _ coerced. _ There's a difference."

"Yeah, right." Chan mutters. 

He doesn't  _ really  _ mind. When Chan smiles at him, Felix knows he would give him anything.

The sky is clear, the sunlight cracking the pavement and casting the two of them in shadow. But Felix can't shake the uneasy feeling that a storm is on the horizon. He can almost feel it as it sweeps across the sea towards them.

"Are we nearly there?"

"Mhm." 

Felix sneaks a glance at Chan, who's drinking happily from his smoothie. His heart warms, and he bumps their shoulders together. Even after everything, a smile grows on Felix's face, and the whole city feels magical.

( _ I want to kiss him,  _ he thinks. But he pushes it down for Chan's sake).

"We're here." Felix announces.

Felix loves this place. It's a park at the center of the city, and he could wander for hours here thinking while the trees rustled in the wind around him. As they walk, they see a squirrel climb a tree, or a bird land on a branch.

Chan looks up at the gate to the park. Under the trees, shining with the sunlight, he glows. 

"Pretty." Chan says happily, gripping his smoothie, then he says, "Why did you take me here?"

"Oh!" Felix smiles, remembering, "There's a place I want to show you."

He grabs Chan's hand and pulls him through the trees, across the paths and by the lake, until they step into a clearing just outside of the main pathway. It's a small, open space surrounded by trees, but the sun shines down beautifully, and there are two tree trunks to sit on.

Felix twirls and then sits on one of them. 

"Isn't it nice?"

"I like it." Chan grins, and sits beside him. 

The silence between them is made comfortable by the tweeting of birds, and the wind. Felix sighs and closes his eyes, letting the breeze wash over his face. When his eyes flutter open, Chan is gazing at him.

"What?" Felix rubs his face self consciously. "Do I have something on my face?"

Chan turns pink and looks away, out into the clearing. 

"Do you come here often?"

"Actually-" Felix pauses, and then says, "I was thinking of filming a dance video here."

"Really?" Chan's eyes light up. "That's so exciting. Do you think you could show me when it's finished?"

Chan's smile is genuine. His eyes are shining with pride.

"Sure." Felix says. "I started on a draft, actually, so-"

He stops talking when Chan's face softens.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" 

"I'm so proud of you." Chan says softly. "You're amazing, you know."

Tears sting behind Felix's eyes. He's never heard that before, and his heart melts.

"Oh, shit, sorry, don't cry-"

Felix rubs his eyes furiously.

"Sorry," He says, "Dancing is my dream, you know? So- So it means a lot to me."

Looking at Chan now, as the sunlight falls into the clearing, Felix finds that he can't pretend like Chan can. 

" _ You  _ mean a lot to me." He says warmly.

Sunlight in Chan's hair. The way his hand had felt on Felix's freckled cheek. There's only so much I can take, Felix thinks, as Chan turns away from him, there's only so long I can hide my feelings for you.

Chan had been his guidance, his friend, his warm, safe place when this new world terrified him. Chan had been laughter and long nights and fun that Felix had never experienced and without him, where would he be? How could Felix possibly push down the longing inside of him?

He's never liked secrets.

"Hyung, I'm sorry." Felix says, and means it. But he can't keep the peace without tearing himself in two. It's time for answers now. "But why didn't you kiss me?"

Chan freezes.

The silence falls like the rays of sun on the grass.

"That night, when it rained," Felix says, "Why didn't you?"

"I'm sorry about that night." Chan says, all in a rush, "I shouldn't have tried to kiss you, I-"

"No." Felix says. "I wanted you to."

A pained expression crosses Chan's face.

"Felix, stop." He says desperately. "Let's not talk about this. I'll never do it again, so let's go back to normal."

"No," Felix says, "I'm tired now, hyung. I don't like secrets."

Silence. Just the birds, just the wind and the leaves, just the sound of Felix's heart.

"Please." Chan pleads.

"No matter what you're hiding from me," Felix takes a deep breath, "I really like you. You make me so happy, Chan. I want to always be by your side. Let's not hide anymore, okay?"

There it is, the confession. It's a whisper amongst the trees. 

"Sorry." Felix murmurs, and leans down.

For a moment, under the sun, magic sparking between them, Felix thinks Chan will let him kiss him.

Then Chan turns his head away, and Felix's heart shatters.

"Why?" Felix asks.  _ It hurts.  _ "Don't you want me?"

Chan lets out a soft breath.

"That's not it." He says quietly.

"Then  _ why?" _

Felix never raises his voice. He's gentle, in his love, in his joy, in his playfulness. Even anger is low, bubbling underneath his skin, and never overflowing. But now, his yell echoes amongst the trees, and startles Chan enough that he looks up at him with wide eyes.

"Hyung," Felix says, as tears stream down his face, "Please, don't do this to me anymore."

Chan just stares at him.

"Please," Felix's lips tremble, and his mouth tastes of tears, "I can't take it. Every time you hide from me, it  _ hurts. _ "

And it does. Since they met, every lie, every fake smile, every secret Chan kept, has chipped at Felix more and more. He'd let it lie, thinking it was none of his business, but now... now it aches, a permanent wound, worse than any that he's been given so far.

"Felix," Chan says. "I-"

Chan covers his face with his hands.

"My sunshine," He says. "I'm losing you already."

There's a ghost of rain - raindrops so slight they're like phantoms. Felix doesn't feel them yet.

"Then I surrender." Chan says. 

Then Chan lets his hands fall, and looks into Felix's eyes, and there's a darkness there that Felix has never seen before.

"I've been lying to you. I'm not who you think I am." Chan takes a deep breath, and then finally, the truth: "I work for your parents."

Felix blinks, as the rain starts to fall in earnest. The word's don't sink in, don't stick, just fade away like the rain drops on the mud. He'd longed so much for the truth, but now he hears it, it doesn't feel real.

"What?" Felix says, quietly. 

"I'm one of the knights who work undercover." Chan smiles bitterly. "You should remember me."

"No." Felix shakes his head. "No, please-".

Chan hums a song, and it comes back to him.  _ One night in the castle, there'd been a glorious song playing. Felix had followed it to a room in the castle, where a knight was sitting at the grand piano. Dark haired, sharp eyes, he turned his head and smiled. _

_ "Prince." He'd greeted. _

_ "Don't let me stop you." Felix had said. "It's beautiful." _

_ The man had played, and Felix had listened. And then the man left, for good, back to the human realm. Felix found out later he was one of the agents who worked for the kingdom, fit in amongst the humans, and took back any stragglers who managed to escape here. He'd been here to see the queen and report on his latest mission. _

_ It was Chan. _

"What?" Felix asks again, stepping backwards through the clearing.

"They sent me to retrieve you." Chan says.

Though his hair is lighter, and his face is older, it's no mistaking that it was him playing the piano that day. No, Felix thinks, his image of Chan shattering before his eyes.

It makes sense.

All of the times they met by chance, Felix had been foolish enough to think it was fate's thread pulling them together. But it was Chan, watching him, calculating the best way to bring him home. All of the conversations they'd had, the secrets Felix had shared as they grew closer, had been Chan's attempts to  _ manipulate him. _

Stupid, Felix thinks. In his happiness at being free, he'd forgotten to stay suspicious, and he hadn't guarded his heart closely enough. How happy had he been? How naive? This was his punishment.

Felix thinks of Chan's hand, gentle on his tail, and he feels sick.

"It was all a lie." Felix says quietly.

"No, don't you see?" Chan stands, trying to close the distance between them, but Felix steps away from him quickly. "It wasn't a lie, I swear. For the first few times, sure, I intended to change your mind. But the more I spoke to you- the closer I got to you- Felix, I-"

"I don't believe a word you say." Felix says, trembling.

"Listen to me." Chan says, reaching out to him, "I never lied to you. I swear to you."

"All of the fun we had together," Felix says, "All of the times we met by chance, you just wanted to complete your mission, right?"

"No!" Chan says desperately.

"Make the prince fall in love with you so he comes back home without any trouble, right?" 

"Think about it, Felix, why would I  _ tell  _ you who I was if that was the case-"

"It's to make me think you really want me, right? You're pretending you've had a change of heart so that you can take me home? You're a great actor, by the way." 

"That's not  _ true-" _

"I let you touch me. I let you  _ know  _ me." 

"Just listen to me-" 

"You've said enough." Felix shakes his head. "I don't even know who you are."

Felix turns to run, but Chan grabs his wrist.

"Please." Chan says thickly. He's crying, Felix can hear it, but he twitches away from Chan's touch. "Don't leave me."

Felix runs.

The clear skies have become dark. The rain has began in earnest. Lightning crackles. And somewhere, in the distance, there's a boom of thunder heading towards him.

The storm is here.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :)


	5. salt in the wound

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi guys!! :) just popping in to say thank you for reading this far <33 please stay safe, thank you for your comments, and i hope you enjoy this chapter (it's my favourite hehe)

The ocean stings.

Though his cuts have mostly healed, Felix still winces just a little as he swims. The salt water is bitter as it brushes against his wounds. Felix braves the pain for the feel of the current pushing against him. 

The blue water sparkles around him. It's dark underneath the ocean, but Felix can still see the glint of the moon as it shines on the surface of the water. Fish brush against his pink tail. He giggles, and does a twirl under the water.

Felix shouldn't be here, really. The storm has only left them, so the ocean is freezing, and the wind picks up waves that crash over Felix every now and again. The night is unpredictable. It might only take one stubborn wave to push him too far out, and in the dark he might not be able to find his way back to the shore.

But he doesn't mind. For the first time since Chan's confession in the park, Felix feels happy. Swallowed by the water, swimming with the tide, he's who he's meant to be. He feels like nothing could ever ruined the feeling that the ocean gives him, not even his nightmares or his weary heart.

Felix has survived worse than this, after all. He's grateful to still have the sea on his side. 

He thinks of his home, where he hardly ever got to swim except for business. To drift through rocks and seaweed is a pleasure he'll never take for granted, he thinks. He smiles, a lightness settling in his chest.

Eventually, he comes up to the surface again. Felix takes in a breath of cold air. His wet hair clings to his forehead and neck, and his cheeks are flushed with the cold, and joy. In the dark he spots the shore, and lead by the moonlight, he finds his way back to land.

When he reaches the sand, Felix feels a tinge of regret. He wishes he could curl up at the bottom of the ocean forever. He could, if he wanted to, but he's braver than that. He hasn't come so far just to give up.

So Felix leaves the ocean. He stands on human legs again, shakes the water out of his hair, and pulls on the clothes he'd left on the beach. They stick to him as he rubs the water from his face. It's raining, and it seems like it won't stop any time soon.

His smile fades when he sees a figure standing on the beach.

Felix recognises Chan's eyes under the light of the moonlight, and his heart sinks. The pain that he'd been able to push away so easily under the water resurfaces, stronger, cracking his heart once again. By the time he steps up the beach and sees Chan's face, the joy has completely left him.

A million thoughts cross his mind. Felix remembers meeting Chan, of his soft, welcoming smile and his handshake. He thinks of the arcade, Chan on the stage, Chan's warm arms around his back, and he thinks,  _ how could you fake that?  _

"What are you doing here?" Felix says, as he approaches Chan, "I don't want to see you."

"Felix-"

"Just-" Felix is growing used to hearing Chan's desperate voice, by now. "Leave me alone."

It hurts. Not because Felix is angry, but because Chan had been his welcome to the human realm. He'd been his good luck charm, the light after struggling through the darkness of his family and his kingdom for so many years. But now, when Felix looks at Chan, he sees only the harshness of his kingdom. The same sharp, merciless darkness that had driven him away in the first place.

Felix tries to pass Chan, but Chan grabs his wrist.

"Felix, don't go-"

Felix whirls around and pulls his wrist roughly from Chan's grip. There are tears sparkling in his eyes, but Felix won't let them fall. He hates how Chan's pained, sincere eyes still draw him in. He hates how he doesn't run now, even though he has the chance.

"I didn't want to hurt you, I swear." Chan says. He takes a step towards him, but Felix stumbles backwards. Some part of Felix wants to believe these words, uttered so desperately as the waves rush behind them. "I'm on your side now, you have to believe me."

It hurts, it hurts. Felix  _ wants  _ to trust him. He blinks, and the tears fall. Why can he never escape the kingdom that has always made him feel small, and still does, even now?

Chan reaches up to brush his tears away, but Felix flinches.

"No," Chan's face crumples. "You're scared of me? _M_ _ e?" _

"Hyung,  _ please. _ " Felix pleads, "Just give up. You're a stranger to me now."

It may just be the moonlight, but Felix is sure he sees hurt cross Chan's face. He turns away quickly, and runs up the rest of the beach, his feet slipping on the sand and his heart in his throat. I don't want to feel like this anymore _ ,  _ Felix thinks, I wish I'd never met him.

He keeps running even after he's left the beach. Through the shadows and the patches of moonlight, he finds his way through the campus in the dark. The bars are full, laughter and music slipping outside. Felix remembers the fun he'd had like them with Chan, just like a normal student might with the boy he likes, and a sob catches in his throat. Can he never be free?

Once inside the apartment, Felix slams the door behind him and takes a deep breath. The apartment is warm and some of the tension slips from his shoulders when he realises he's safe, he's  _ home.  _ Changbin and Jisung won't hurt him.

Still, there's a traitorous whisper in his ear.  _ Maybe they're lying to you, too.  _ The peace Felix had made here seems a pretence, now, and he's expecting the curtain to fall any second and for his two housemates to drag him back to the kingdom.

But when he steps into the kitchen, Jisung, who's dozing at the table with his head in his arms, doesn't hurt him. He doesn't even stir from his rest, just murmurs something against the table in his sleep. Felix smiles fondly and ruffles his hair. He slips into the seat beside him.

"Felix?" Jisung murmurs, not opening his eyes. Felix hums lowly in greeting. "Ngk. It's late."

"Yeah." Felix agrees, and his tears are drying, his heartbeat is steadying. By the time Jisung rubs his eyes and raises his head, Felix feels more himself, and doesn't flinch when Jisung tugs at his hair.

"Why are you wet?"

"I went swimming."

Jisung raises an eyebrow but doesn't question him, and Felix is grateful.

"You should go to bed."

"But I came to the kitchen to get something," Jisung pouts, "I've just forgotten what."

When Felix smiles weakly, Jisung's eyes narrow. There's something sharp about his gaze as it flickers over Felix again.

"Are you okay?" Jisung asks.

Felix nods.

"You sure?" Jisung tilts his head. "It's okay if you're not."

No one's ever said that to him before. His role as the prince and future king had always been about strength - hide your wounds, disguise your emotions, be cold and calculating to ensure respect. It went against Felix's nature, to be so harsh, but over time he'd picked up the habit of smiling through his pain and never admitting weakness.

But Jisung's smile is gentle when he holds out his arms.

"C'mere." Jisung says, so Felix shifts closer and lets himself be held.

He relaxes against Jisung's chest and sighs into his hoodie. It's soothing, to lean on someone else for a while, and Felix lets Jisung share his burden for a moment.

"You don't have to tell me what's wrong." Jisung murmurs. "But me and Changbin, we're always here for you, you know that right?"

Felix wants to believe it.

"I know." He says, though fear still curls inside of him. Even now, held tightly in Jisung's arms, he's afraid he'll soon feel a knife in his back. It's a terrifying feeling he knows all too well.

Will he always live in this fear, that everyone is plotting against him? Felix wants to think it stops at Chan, but the moment he'd heard the words  _ I work for your father,  _ Felix's rose tinted illusion of the human world had shattered forever.

In the end, Felix thinks, is the human world just as bad as his home land?

That's his greatest fear.

*

"Will you stop that?" Felix asks, but his eyes are smiling.

Minho's smirk grows, his eyes sparkling with mirth. He flicks Felix's ear again, and Felix scowls but doesn't stop him, just writes down another note in his notebook. Minho is relentless with his teasing - tapping his hand loudly on the desk, stealing Felix's pen, and pulling at Felix's ear. But it's a welcome distraction from the weight in Felix's chest.

"Nah." Minho drawls, and Felix rolls his eyes but he can't stop his mouth from twitching into a smile, even now. "I'm good."

It's easy to be drawn into Minho's warmth and laughter, and for a moment Felix can believe he's just another student sitting in a lecture hall, taking notes, and play along with his friend's antics. 

"You forgot your coffee today." 

"Don't remind me." Felix grumbles, and Minho chuckles. 

"Too bad I get up too late." Minho sticks out his tongue and yanks the pen from Felix's grip. 

"Hey." Felix whines, trying to grab it back.

"Sorry," Minho winks, "No can do."

As he scrambles for the pen, feeling the irritated stares of the students beside him in the lecture hall, Felix thinks he might be okay. If he can learn to trust his friends, and if he can slowly heal from the pain he feels being away from Chan, then he might be happy in the human world.

Mornings like this he can still have, Felix thinks. He doesn't need Chan to guide him anymore, anyway. He'll be happy enough on his own.

Heartbreak doesn't last, he thinks, as Minho laughs at him, does it?

"Are you going to be like this all day, hyung?"

Minho shrugs. He tosses Felix's pen underneath the desk and under the chair in front of them.

"Be like what?"

Felix can do nothing but giggle..

"Will you two be quiet?" Someone hisses behind them, and Minho cackles but they fall silent.

Until later, when Minho nudges him.

"You can talk to me, if you want," He says quietly.

"Huh?"

"Something's bothering you, right?" Minho doesn't look at him, "If you want to talk about it, you can."

Felix pauses. He feels the urge to tell his friend everything - Minho's embarrassed face, and his gentle words, suggest he really is sincere. But when he remembers Chan's hand on his tail, and his  _ betrayal,  _ he swallows the truth. He can't risk showing someone his whole self and having it rejected, not again.

"Um." Felix murmurs. "Chan, he, uh, he lied to me."

Minho glances at him. An understanding passes between them, 

"It was bad, huh?"

"I- Yeah." Felix frowns. "Hyung, he was my first friend. I told him  _ everything _ . And he betrayed me."

"He broke your heart, didn't he?"

Minho's hand has curled into a fist on the desk in front of them.

"Bastard." He hisses. 

"It's okay." Felix says quickly, "There's no need to get angry-"

But Minho meets his eyes, and Felix is shocked and comforted by the fury he sees there. Minho's face with hard lines and sharp eyes shouldn't be soothing, but Felix feels like he can rely on him.

"Sure there is." Minho says, and his mouth twitches into a bitter smile. "Sorry, Lixie. I wish I could fix it for you."

Felix doesn't know how much he can trust others, not yet. But he lets himself return a grateful smile, and doesn't reject Minho's hand when he ruffles his hair. Perhaps, Felix thinks, the kindness of his friends can piece together his broken heart. Though he struggles to trust them, thinking he might be pulled back into the darkness and his old kingdom any second now, he wants to believe in them.

The lectures end, and Felix stands and stretches. Minho scrambles under the table for Felix's pen.

"You can just leave it." Felix laughs.

"No way," Minho says, his arm straining as he reaches for it. He's so particular about the strangest things, Felix thinks fondly. "Go ahead without me."

"I'll wait outside." Felix says.

Through the crowds of people, Felix walks, towards the lecture hall doors. He throws his bag on his shoulder and slips into the wide corridor, where the crowd of people thins and he can finally breathe again.

Until he meets Chan's warm eyes.

"Hi." Chan says gently.

He stands outside of the lecture hall, standing sheepishly in his jacket. His hair is a mess, and there are dark shadows under his eyes. He's holding a coffee cup in his grip, and Felix almost fools himself into forgetting that Chan had betrayed him. It feels so sweet, and so normal.

"I brought this for you," Chan says, and holds the coffee cup out to him. Felix, caught by surprise, can do nothing but stare at him. "You should know that every coffee I bought you, I bought because I wanted you to be happy. Not because of my job."

Felix wavers. He should turn away, he should run, but he's caught by the sincerity in Chan's eyes. In the early afternoon, he doesn't reach for Felix, he doesn't plead at him desperately. He just holds out the coffee cup.

"I'm sorry, Felix," Chan says, and smiles crookedly, "But I won't give up. You don't have to forgive me, but I'll never stop until you know that I- I-"

Chan swallows, his words catching in his throat, and Felix's eyes widen. 

"I really-"

Felix almost reaches for the coffee cup - his fingers twitch, but before he can move, a figure steps in front of him. 

Minho. 

Felix leans his forehead gratefully against his back.

"What are you doing?" Minho's voice is colder than Felix has ever heard it. Felix feels the words vibrate against his face.

"Huh?"

"I said," Minho's voice is like thunder, dark and cold, waiting to crack, "What are you doing?"

"I-I just wanted to talk to Felix."

"I'd leave if I were you." Minho warns.

"What? Why?"

"Nobody," Minho's voice chill them, as frozen as ice. Felix, grateful, presses closer against him. "Hurts my friends."

Chan is silent, and Felix is glad he can't see his face.

"Now leave." Minho says sternly, "I won't tell you again."

"I'm sorry." Chan says. " _ Please.,  _ Felix- "

Felix doesn't see the expression on Minho's face, but it must change Chan's mind, because there's a pause before Chan sighs, and then Felix hears retreating footsteps. Minho turns quickly and looks down at him, scanning his face. His face is so warm compared to his words, and Felix wonders if this is  _ true  _ friendship. Reckless, loyal, reliable.

"I'm sorry." He says, all in a rush, "I probably overstepped, but I just couldn't watch that bastard-"

His heart bursting, his eyes stinging, Felix pulls Minho into a hug and muffles his words.

"Thank you." Felix murmurs, and means it. "It's okay."

"Stop that." Minho grumbles, but hugs him back. 

More of Felix's doubt slips away. One day, he thinks, will he be able to believe that this human world really  _ is  _ for him? He wants to trust Minho, and for a moment, he truly does.

*

Behind Felix's eyes a new nightmare flickers.

_ They're all together, laughing. Around that small kitchen table, the eight of them hardly fit, but they're together anyway. Felix smiles at the people who made his first months in the human world easy, happy, free.  _

_ Changbin, leaning on his hand, smiling at everyone and bursting into loud laughter every now and again. Jisung. leaning on Changbin's shoulder and poking his cheeks. Hyunjin, legs up on the table, his cheeks sparkling. Jeongin, his eyes half closed with his smile, humming sweetly to himself. Minho, kicking at Felix under the table, a teasing smirk on his face. Even Seungmin from the amusement park is there, letting himself join in on the fun. _

_ Then there's Chan. Sweet, beautiful Chan, who murmurs in Felix's ear, telling him a story with his embarrassed smile and his dark hair and his pretty hand holding Felix's. Felix can kiss his pink cheek with no reservations. He can be loved. _

_ The lights flicker off. In the dark, once soft eyes now glint sharply. _

_ The curtain falls. _

_ Hands grasp at him, everywhere they can reach, yanking him roughly from the kitchen chair. He falls onto the kitchen tiles, and they pull him acoss the floor and out, out, out, back to the kingdom he was meant to live in... _

_ Even before that, Felix had known the laughter was a lie. In fact, even as he pressed his lips against Chan's cheeks, he was waiting for it to end. _

Felix gasps, and wakes from the same dream. Outside, the rain still continues, hammering on the roof and the windows. Felix whimpers, curling up on himself, and wishes it would stop. He can hear his shower, his bath tap, and even the kitchen tap, running. But he can't stop his magic from escaping and tainting everything.

The kitchen tap stops running. A few minutes later, there's a knock at his door.

"Knock, knock." A husky voice says.

The door clicks open, even when Felix doesn't answer. Felix, through bleary eyes, watches Changbin step sheepishly towards him through the dark bedroom. Despite himself, Felix can't help but feel warm with gratitude.

There's a sudden weight on his bed. 

"Hey." Changbin says softly, over the sound of the shower and the bath running.

"What are you doing here?" Felix asks, rubbing his eyes furiously. The back of his hands come away wet.

"Thought you might want the company." Changbin says, "Want me to leave?" 

Felix shakes his head. Even the silence is comfortable, and Changbin pats his leg awkwardly.

"Nightmares, huh?" Felix glances at him, and Changbin smiles sympathetically. "Sorry, you just make a lot of noise when you're asleep."

"Yeah." Felix murmurs, shaking.

"I get it." Changbin says. "Wanna talk about it?"

"Not really."

"I get that too." Changbin chuckles, and Felix's lips twitch.

Changbin reaches over the bed and smoothes the hair away from his face. His hands are rough but his touch is gentle, and Felix leans into him gratefully, letting Changbin take care of him.

"Hyung's here now." Changbin says. His voice is warm, and Felix surrenders himself to the friendship and care being offered to him. He manages to smile when Changbin says, "It's okay."

"You won't hurt me, right hyung?" Felix asks.

"What?" Changbin's hand stills. "No, of course not. Why would you think that? Has someone upset you?"

Felix is silent.

"We won't leave you." Changbin strokes his hair. "Me and Jisung, we've got your back, you know?"

"Yeah," Felix lies, "I know."

But when Changbin stays with him like this, warmth settles in his chest, and refuses to leave. Felix thinks he might be learning to trust again, even as his nightmares and thoughts try to drown him in his fear.

  
  


*

In the campus coffee shop one hazy late afternoon, Felix can't help but think about all of the things he loves about Chan.

He can hardly help it. In lazy moments, when there's nothing to distract him, Felix's thoughts drift back to Chan. How his eyes had shut when he smiled. How easily he'd laughed. How he'd moved on stage. How he'd shown Felix all of the wonderful things about this world. How he'd been right beside him when Felix was scared.

Even now, his heart still flutters at the thought of him. Everything reminds him of Chan now. The taste of coffee, the music thumping from the local bars, the lecture hall and his apartment with Changbin and Jisung and the arcade and the coffee shop. Everywhere he turns is scattered with those small memories that Chan had given to him, and then ripped away.

How much of his sweet smile, his gentle touch, was real? Felix desperately longs for the answer. Maybe it would put an end to his heartache once and for all. 

"Felix." 

Felix's eyes flutter shut. That warm, familiar voice, saying his name... he has to stop this. He has to stop the tenderness mixed with pain that won't leave his heart. He turns slowly, and looks only at Chan's shoes.

"Can you stop following me, please?" Felix asks, quietly, "I know it's your job, but if you feel  _ anything  _ for me, anything at all, you'll leave me alone."

When he looks up, Chan is ruffled and sleepy in the late afternoon. His long hoodie, his sad eyes... _ Why do I still adore you? _

"Can't we just... talk?" Chan waves his hand, gesturing to the tables around them. "I'll tell you everything you want to know, just sit with me for a while."

Felix shakes his head.

"Why not?" Chan says, "You haven't even given me a chance to explain properly."

"I won't believe anything you say anyway. How do I know it's the truth?"

Chan winces. He's silent for a moment, and then he runs a desperate hand through his hair.

"Felix," He says, and his voice is low, and there's a warm, tired tone to it that Felix has never heard before. Chan's eyes flicker away from him. "Don't you miss me?"

The question stings. It weighs heavily in the air, and Felix swallows.

"How could you even ask that?" He whispers. 

He doesn't  _ want  _ to see his parents reflected in Chan's eyes. He doesn't want any of this - his old kingdom, the bloodshed, his fate of being a king - to be true. Felix wishes they were both normal humans, destined only to be together, but it isn't the truth.  _ Don't you miss me?  _ God, Felix thinks, doesn't he know I feel like I'm missing half of me.

Chan reaches for him, and Felix stumbles backwards. He almost falls, but warm arms hold him up.

"Felix!" Jeongin's sweet voice says. He legs go of Felix and steps beside him and into the queue, and to Felix's surprise, the boy from the arcade, Seungmin, follows him, "It's so nice to see you."

Jeongin on one side of him, Seungmin on the other, Felix feels protected. Even if it wasn't intended, they feel like a defence against Chan's longing eyes.

"Hi again." Seungmin murmurs to him.

"You go to this university too?" Felix asks Seungmin. 

Seungmin nods, a smile in his eyes. His eyes flicker sharply to Chan before landing on Felix again.

"Want to sit with us?" He asks, pointedly ignoring Chan. "We're just going to study."

" _ You're  _ going to study." Jeongin says brightly. "I'm not."

He sends Felix a wink, and Felix manages a smile. The easy conversation pulls him away from Chan, covers the aching in his heart with laughter. 

"Come on, then." Seungmin says, and they subtly pull him away from Chan. "It's almost our turn."

Somehow, once again, his friends had come to help him when he needed it. Felix lets Jeongin take his arm, returns Seungmin's clear, encouraging smile easily, and relaxes. The smell of the coffee shop, the warmth in the air, stops it from hurting too much when Chan slips away quietly again.

They sit by the window, and Felix is grateful. He can watch the sea while Jeongin tells stories and Seungmin studies.

"So  _ you're  _ the one who got Seungmin to give you another turn at the arcade?" Jeongin says suddenly, "He must like you, because he  _ never  _ does that."

Felix thinks of Chan, trying to win the plushie, and his face softens.

"It's not a big deal." Seungmin grumbles to his book.

"Sure." Jeongin laughs.

Their company is sweet, and Felix feels like he can lean against the chair and relax. He takes a sip of tea and watches the waves brush against the shore. The tide slips in and out, as Jeongin's voice fills the coffee shop.

"Is everything okay with you and your boyfriend?" He suddenly asks, and Felix freezes.

"What?"

"It's just-" Jeongin frowns, searching for the right words. "I'm sorry to intrude, but it seemed like you were in a tough spot earlier."

"Yeah, we, uh," Even now, Felix can't bring himself to deny Jeongin's assumption that they're together. It still gives him a small thrill, makes him think of other, softer worlds where Chan  _ is  _ his boyfriend. "We're not together anymore."

"Oh." Jeongin frowns. "I'm sorry. Was it his fault?"

Felix nods, tapping his fingers on the mug.

"What did he do?" Seungmin asks. Jeongin nudges him, but Seungmin just raises an eyebrow, and the honesty, the abruptness, makes Felix laugh.

"He just-" Felix hesitates, and then says, "He wasn't who I thought he was."

Jeongin nods in understanding. Seungmin glances up at him curiously, and even under his interested gaze Felix doesn't feel uncomfortable. His kindness is as sweet as Jeongin's, just expressed differently, with frankness.

"I wonder how he feels about it."

Felix freezes. 

"He just seemed pretty torn up about you earlier." Seungmin continues gently, "Have you heard him out?"

"What do you mean?" Felix asks.

"I mean... Have you listened to what he has to say? It's none of my business, but maybe you could learn to like him for who he really is, instead of who you thought he was."

The words make Felix pause and turn back to the sea. He finds some truth in them, some revelations that he'd not considered before. In his hurt, in his pain, had he pushed away the  _ real  _ Chan? Had he denied Chan's chance to explain, had he denied all other possilibites in his fear that he would be dragged back to his old kingdom?

Jeongin reaches across the table and takes his hands shyly.

"We're always around, if you ever want to hang out." He says. "You're not alone, okay?"

Felix is so scared of believing it's true. How does he know he won't be betrayed again?

Jeongin squeezes his hands as if he can read his thoughts.

"Really." He says softly. "You're not alone."

*

On the walk home from the coffee shop, Felix considers everything Jeongin and Seungmin told him. He lets the sea air wash over him as he walks through the low afternoon sunlight, passing through the shadows of buildings and other students. He realises, then, that the rain has stopped. 

"Huh." Felix says to himself. He tucks his hands into his jacket pockets. The warmth is a welcome change from the damp evenings, and though the pavement is still wet, he feels a wave of gratefulness for the friends that have been by his side in the hard, painful days after Chan's revelation in the park.

He wonders what Chan's life had been like. What had he been through? When had he come to this University, and why? How much of what Felix saw was real? Felix wonders, suddenly, if they might be... similar. Without knowing anything about the real Chan, Felix has no idea whether it could be true. But some of his pain eases when he realises that, maybe, Chan is hurting too.

Felix steps inside of the apartment, his thoughts full. Inside of him, his heart is softening again, and he thinks he might be ready to hear what Chan has to say.

It doesn't stop him from freezing when he sees Chan hovering outside of his bedroom door, though.

"I'm sorry." Chan says quickly. His eyes are red when he steps away from the door, and Felix swallows.  _ Was he crying?  _ "I know you don't want me here, but I need you to know the truth. The whole truth."

Felix sighs. He opens his door.

"You should leave." He says.

Chan reaches for him, then thinks better of it, and his hand falls. He looks into Felix's face for a moment, scanning his eyes as if he'll find an answer there.

"Okay." Chan sighs. His face crumples, but he doesn't reach for Felix again, he steps back, and that... hurts even more. "I'll go, Felix. I'm sorry."

Don't, Felix thinks, suddenly. Chan had been slowly chipping away at his armour, every time he tried to talk to him. One more strike and Felix's walls would fall. He'd be bare again, melting under Chan's smile.

Felix nods.

"Thank you." He says.

Without looking back, he slips into his bedroom and closes the door behind him.

But Felix doesn't leave. He stands looking at the closed door, his lip trembling. He presses his hand to the wood, and presses his forehead against the door.

"Felix?" A quiet voice asks, through the door.

_ I should leave. _

Weak, tired of fighting his own heart, Felix turns his back to the door and slides down it, tucking his knees up to his chin once he's landed on the soft carpet.

He hears a sound as if Chan is doing the same, and lets out a soft sigh. He closes his eyes and rests the back of his head against the door, and he feels like Chan must be doing the same. Perhaps, Felix thinks, it's the first honest moment they've ever had.

"I'm listening." Felix says.

"I-" Chan sounds surprised. "Really?"

Felix nods. When he realises Chan can't see him, he almost smiles.

"Yeah."

The silence is promising. Felix takes a deep breath, and waits.

"I was born a knight." Chan murmurs. "My family come from a long line of knights, you know? We've served the royal family for centuries. My parents raised me into it. I don't blame them for it, but I..."

Felix hears Chan swallow. He imagines him as a boy, too small for his armour, awkward and uncertain, and he can't help but smile to himself at the image.

"I never was very good at being a knight. It doesn't suit me." Chan laughs bitterly. "And then came the war. There were many, of course, but you remember, don't you, the darkest of them all?"

_ Coral,  _ Felix thinks, and shudders. It had been one of the latest wars, the one with the most bloodshed, and Felix had begun to plan his escape once it ended.

"I fought on the front line, with my family. It was my first time in battle, and by that point, I'd become righteous, you know? I saw all of the senseless killing and I just wanted to escape. So I tried to run, and I- I put my family at risk. My mother was almost killed, and, well,." Chan sighs. "I was disgraced after that. I couldn't fight, I was injured at the time, and so I was sent to the human realm to locate traitors of the kingdom and bring them back as punishment."

_ Like me,  _ Felix thinks.

"How did you end up at the University?"

"A young noble had the same idea as you. He came to this University." Chan says, and he sounds almost fond, "I got him sent home. I was meant to come back after that, but since I was already here, they tasked me with bringing you back."

Felix nods again, despite knowing Chan can't see.

"You have to understand, Felix, this was my chance to fix my family's reputation. The royal family is not generous towards anyone, of course, but after I tried to run- well, we were outcast, and we struggled. If I could bring you home, we'd have an easy life. We'd be honoured knights, once again." Chan hesitates. "But..."

"But?"

"But I realised, when I began to know you," Chan says quietly, "That sending you back would not only be at the expense of your happiness, but my own."

Felix is silent, letting the words brush over him. They settle in the room around him, and he breathes, just listening.

"Felix." He says, "I never lied to you. I have been here two years. I do love music. Every moment I spent with you, I was  _ happy.  _ I wasn't pretending. At first, sure, I had ulterior motives. But even from the start you drew me in, and I- I-"

Felix closes his eyes.

"I knew when I fought the Coral war that I didn't want to be part of your kingdom." Chan says, "But I wanted to do my duty, and make my family proud. I couldn't hurt them anymore than I already had. Still, when I met you, and I saw how brave you were, and how much joy you found in human life... I thought I could have that too. You made me think there was another way to live. So I had to tell you the truth, in the park, because I didn't want to lie anymore."

Chan lets out a shaky breath.

"Felix," He says quietly, "Will you teach me how to be brave?"

He  _ is  _ just like me, Felix thinks.

More than ever, Felix thinks there's an invisible string between them, pulling them together. They're two people who've made mistakes, who are torn between their old life and the lives they want, who can hardly escape the pain they've suffered through. 

But right now, they're just Chan and Felix, sitting together with only wood between them.

"I'm sorry," Chan says, finally, "Can't we start again?"

Rather than start again, Felix wants to continue the story. He'll still love the sea, he'll still love Chan. Just differently than before. With a new kind of understanding. 

The lies hardly matter when he knows Chan has fought the same wars, battled the same struggles, and conquered the same fears as him. When he hears how Chan's voice is thick with tears, Felix doesn't  _ want  _ to doubt him. He's never wanted to fear his friends.

"Hyung." Felix says, "Promise me you're telling the truth."

_ Don't leave me. _

"I promise."

_ I want it to be true. _

Felix stands up and pulls open the door. Chan is already waiting for him. His face is tear stained, his eyes are downcast, but he still smiles weakly.

_ I want to be happy. _

Felix looks at him, and he slowly smiles back.

_ I want to live in this human world by your side. _

"I missed you." Felix says, without thinking, and Chan's eyes flicker up to his face. He smiles gently, and the weight on Felix's heart lifts just a little when he looks into Chan's face. It's not that it doesn't hurt anymore. He's just willing to bear the pain, now.

"Yeah, I- I really-" Chan pauses and looks at him. "You know what?"

"What-"

Chan pulls Felix to him and kisses him. His face is wet with tears, but his hands are gentle when they cup Felix's cheeks. Felix melts. Safe, he thinks, warm. He wants to believe it's real. He lets himself fall into Chan's touch.

"I have an idea," Chan says, when they pull apart. Felix, pink and wide eyed, blinks at him. 

Chan pauses and then kisses him again, smiling against his mouth.

"I thought you were going to tell me your idea." Felix says, and a giggle escapes him. It sounds unfamiliar, after suffering for so long. 

"Yeah, sorry, I couldn't, uh, resist." Chan rubs the back of his neck. But the light has come back to his eyes, and Felix's heart won't calm down. "I have a plan."

When Felix looks into his tear stained, smiling face, he thinks,  _ maybe it'll be okay.  _ He's strong enough to bear the storm if it goes wrong, but Felix lets himself hope. Please, he thinks, let this happiness be real. Let Chan keep his promise.

One day, Felix thinks, as Chan starts to speak, we'll be free.


	6. homebound

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you so much guys if you're reading this <3 i hope you enjoy the last chapter. and thank you to my best friend lissa who the fic was for in the first place :D

Without Chan, the sky has turned a permanent shade of grey.

When Felix glances up at the pale clouds, the chilly breeze ruffling his hair, he wishes only that Chan would come back. He remembers all that's passed between them, the pain and the tenderness that brought with them the smell of the sea and Chan's lips against his own, and misses him. Even with the distrust and betrayal still hot inside of him, he still longs to see him again.

Felix tries to shake off the feeling, practising his smile, but he can't quite let go of the memory of Chan in his doorway, tear stained and honest. Like today, when he walks to a lecture, his books clutched tightly to his chest. There's nothing else he can think about.

Which is probably why he walks straight into someone.

Warm arms hold him steady, and for a moment Felix fools himself into thinking it's Chan. He convinces himself that when he looks up from the solid chest, Chan will be looking down at him, and that it'll be just like the first time they met.

Back from his mission at their old kingdom, Chan would say,  _ I did it,  _ with those sparkling eyes, and they would be happy.

That isn't what happens though.

Felix looks up, and Hyunjin, from the cafe, is smiling at him sheepishly. Unlike the other times Felix has seen him, he isn't wearing his work uniform.

"Felix?" Hyunjin says sweetly, rubbing his arms, and Felix smiles back at him. There's a shy kindness to Hyunjin's eyes and smile that make Felix feel comfortable. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah." 

"Good." Hyunjin rubs his arms one last time before stepping away from him. 

The silence is awkward, but not unbearable enough that Felix feels uncomfortable. He watches Hyunjin run a hand through his hair and wonders, suddenly, how long he's known Chan. How much time they've spent together, how much happiness they've shared.

"Hey, you haven't heard from Chan, have you?" Hyunjin asks, as if reading Felix's mind.

His name rattles around Felix's mind.

"He's taking a break for a few weeks," Felix says, the half lie sticking to his tongue, "Family stuff, you know how it is."

Hyunjin nods, but he doesn't seem convinced. There's a worried furrow in his brow.

"I wish he'd just told me." Hyunjin says, "Oh, well, as long as he's safe."

Felix knows it isn't safe, not at all. Chan's plan had been risky at best, fatal at worst, and Felix could do nothing to stop him. Going back to the kingdom to free his parents and report Felix's "death" to the monarchs was far from a fool proof plan, but Felix couldn't argue with Chan when his face was so determined, and his words were so final.

He was helpless. 

"I'm sure he'll be fine."

"Yeah, I hope so." Hyunjin tilts his head and considers Felix for a moment. "I wanted to talk to you, actually. Are you busy right now?"

"I have a lecture-" Felix pauses. He could always catch up with it online either (well, if he ever worked out how to use human technology), and Felix is curious about what Hyunjin has to say. "Actually, no, I'm free."

"I'm heading to work right now, so walk with me." Hyunjin says.

The coffee shop is as far from the centre of campus as Felix remembers, but Hyunjin doesn't say anything until they're inside of the shop, overwhelmed by the husky scent of coffee and the chatter of students inside. He leads Felix to the back room.

"I wanted to say," Hyunjin says, while pulling on his apron. "Thank you."

Hyunjin's voice is soft and sincere in the quiet back room, which is probably why he waited for them to arrive at the coffee shop before speaking. He ties the back of his apron, his fingers moving skillfully as if he's done it a million times before.

"What for?" Felix asks.

Now that he's done with the knot, Hyunjin tucks his long dark hair behind his ears and tucks it under the coffee shop hat. He looks away from Felix shyly. 

"Thank you for looking after Channie hyung."

Felix blinks.

"Just... before he met you, he was different." Hyunjin pauses a moment, as if considering something. "Don't get me wrong, back then he acted happy. He came to the coffee shop all the time, and he performed on stage too. But the more I got to know him, the more I noticed how troubled he was."

He looks at Felix again, his gaze thoughtful as he plays with his fingers.

"I tried to talk to him, but you probably know already that he's very good at deflecting." Hyunjin smiles weakly, and Felix knows, now, how much Chan means to him. "But when you came..."

Hyunjin shrugs.

"I saw light in his eyes for the first time," He says, "I don't know what you did, but he seems so much better now. As if you lifted a burden from his shoulders. So, thank you."

Hyunjin's word, however flowery, make Felix smile. He can't help but wonder how alone Chan used to be, pretending to be someone else for the sake of his work, unable to free himself from his own guilt and tragic past. Hyunjin doesn't know Chan's true identity, but he still knows Chan's kindness, his talent, his warmth. That's enough.

"It isn't just me." Felix says quietly. "Hyung helped me, too."

It's true enough. Without Chan, it would've been so much harder for Felix to settle into the human realm. He can smile comfortably at Hyunjin. He feels like his skin fits. Part of that he owes to Chan.

"You know, the first time I met him," Hyunjin says, fondness sparking in his eyes, "He didn't even know how to order a coffee. Now look at him."

Felix giggles. 

"You won't break his heart, right, Felix?"

There's no hesitation when Felix speaks.

"I couldn't." He admits, "It would kill me."

"Yeah." Hyunjin ruffles his hair. "I thought you might say that."

*

  
  


The living room in Felix, Changbin and Jisung's shared student flat is cozy.

The three of them are squeezed on the sofa together, arms and legs pressed together. Jisung's yells fill the air as they play  _ Mario Kart  _ and press the remote buttons furiously, the screen flashing at them. Felix has almost forgotten his worry and fear. Squashed between his two housemates, he's at home.

Considering he's never played this sort of game before, Felix thinks he's doing pretty well.

"This isn't fair." Changbin says loudly, when Felix and Jisung race ahead of him once again. There's an embarassed flush in his cheeks and Felix imagines if he told Changbin the truth, that he'd never actually  _ played  _ a video game before, it would get even deeper.

"That's life." Jisung says, his tongue between his teeth. Felix's knees are tucked up to his chin, and he expertly dodges the green shell Changbin sent after him.

"Tough luck." Felix smiles, while Changbin curses.

"I don't want to play anymore."

"Sure you don't, hyung." Jisung laughs. 

Playing with them is fun, Felix thinks. His evenings are relaxing now. He spends nights out at clubs, bars or gigs. Sometimes he stays in and plays games and watches TV. Every moment is a treasure he still isn't used to. Slowly he's learned to take time for himself to relax. His baking is getting better, his dancing is becoming skilled, and everything about the human world makes him happy. 

It's the sort of happiness that sticks. It doesn't feel fleeting anymore. He only wishes Chan would return soon, and perhaps they could share the joy.

Jisung takes advantage of Felix's distracted thoughts.

"Watch out!" He overtakes Felix,  _ 1st  _ shining above Jisung's name on the screen. "Ha!"

Felix focuses. He laughs with Jisung when Changbin drives off the edge of the world again, and throws his arms in the air when he pushes past Jisung and crosses the finish line just before Jisung. 

There's still a part of him that wonders where Chan is right now, but he drowns it in the evening and the unfamiliar, bitter taste of beer. Even just the image of Chan injured, or, God forbid, dead, hurts him to the point of tears. He pushes it back, and back, smothering the feeling under his friend's voices.

"Another round?" Jisung asks happily.

Changbin scowls.

"No."

"Please?" Jisung asks, and Changbin rolls his eyes but he's already settling in for another game, a smile bright in his cheeks. Felix narrows his eyes.

"Get ready." He says, "I won't go so easy on you this time."

"You're bluffing." Jisung grins.

"I'm not."

Changbin throws an arm over his shoulder and pulls him closer. He ruffles Felix's hair.

"Go easy on me, would you?"

"Not a chance." Felix giggles, and leans into Changbin's arms.

Jisung is about to retort when the door clicks open. The three of them are shocked into silence.

Chan stands in the doorway. His chest rises and falls heavily, his short, ragged breaths filling the room, but that isn't the first thing Felix notices. 

It's the blood, soaked into his clothes and stained across his face. When he steps forward, one of his legs is limp and he has to drag it. There's a deep wound across one side of his neck that looks painful, and he stumbles, gripping the door for support.

Felix jumps to his feet. He's completely calm, when he steps towards Chan. His fear is undermined by the urgent need to take care of him.

"What the fuck," Jisung jumps up too, his voice high pitched, "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine." Chan says weakly. He's pale except for the blood staining his face and neck. When Felix wraps an arm around Chan to hold him up, Chan cries out. Felix winces and tries to support him better.

"What happened?" Changbin reaches into his pocket for his phone, "Should I call an ambulance?"

Chan shakes his head quickly.

"Please don't." He murmurs.

"But-"

"It's okay." Felix nods at Changbin. "I can handle it."

There are bandages upstairs in his room, as well as sewing needles he could use to attempt to stitch Chan's wounds, the same way he'd stitched his own. Felix slowly takes Chan out of the living room and towards the staircase. Chan's weight is heavy, and Felix's hands are becoming damp with Chan's blood, but Felix hardly feels it.

"Felix." Chan says, his voice weak and croaky, and Felix's heart breaks for him. Chan's pain is his own. "Felix."

"It's okay." Felix steps up the first stair and pulls Chan with him. He aches when Chan hisses. "It's okay. This will be over soon."

Chan lets out a small sob when they step up another stair. 

"Just a few more." Felix murmurs.

Another step. Chan stumbles on his bad leg. If Felix wasn't holding him up, Chan surely would've fallen. 

"I can't." Chan says. He's vulnerable, and that's what disturbs Felix the most. He's never known Chan like this, and the knowledge that Chan isn't in control, for once, is unsettling.

"Yes, you can." Felix says soothingly. "I'm right here. Just... imagine somewhere faraway. Imagine your favourite place."

Chan nods stiffly. A few more stairs, and they're at the top. Chan lets out a long sigh and sags against him, and Felix is there to comfort him, to softly lead him into the bedroom. Chan clutches at him, his trembling hands tugging at Felix's sweater, and he has to gently prise Chan's hands from him to sit him down on the bed.

"Wait here." Felix says sternly. 

"Where else would I go?" Chan asks, his voice still hoarse.

Felix takes the bandages and needle and thread from his drawer. He runs the needle under boiling tap water that was heated quickly by his own magic, and turns back to Chan. He's sitting on the bed, still breathing heavily, his eyes hazy when he looks at Felix.

"It hurts, right?" Felix asks gently. All of his anger at Chan's earlier betrayal is softened by his suffering, by the proof of his hard work.

"It's not so bad." Chan manages to say.

That's a lie, of course. Felix is growing used to Chan's white lies, by now. He rests his hand on Chan's forehead, and summons his magic.

"Water has always had healing qualities," Felix says quietly, "A mermaid's healing magic is not so strong, but it's enough. It can prevent wounds from infection and wash away a little of your pain."

Sure enough, Chan's eyes become a little more focused once Felix's magic has touched him. Felix realises, suddenly, that Chan has no magic of his own. Many in their kingdom, especially knights and servants, were humans trained to fight and survive in the climate of their kingdom. They lacked the prestige and mystery of mermaids.

For a moment, his hand lingers on Chan's skin, at the edge of his hairline.

Then Felix kneels in front of him and peers at the gash in his neck.

"What are you doing?"

"Do you remember, hyung, when you changed my bandage?" Felix cuts off a piece of bandage as he speaks. "It's my turn, now."

The wound isn't deep enough to need stitching, Felix thinks, but if the blade had pressed deeper, Felix is sure it would've been a fatal injury. He swallows and wraps the bandage carefully around Chan's neck. It's not worth thinking about.

Chan smells of blood, but there's still a hint of his cologne and home clinging to him, and it makes Felix want to cry.

"There." Felix says. He ties the bandage and cuts the edge, and the slight movement makes Chan wince. "Sorry, love."

"Aren't you going to ask what happened?"

"Later." Felix murmurs. "Just let me take care of you for now."

The moonlight hits Chan's face and makes the blood on his skin shine darkly. It almost looks black, Felix thinks. But Chan's eyes are the same, as warm and as tired as ever, and even now, through the pain, Chan's gaze still makes his heart flutter.

"Show me your leg." Felix says, and Chan smiles in an embarrassed sort of way and holds out his leg.

Felix rests it on his knee. He rolls up Chan's trousers, and winces. The wound here is deep, bleeding profusely, and it definitely needs stitching. He takes the needle and begins.

"You could've warned me." Chan gives a strangled laugh, and Felix looks up at him.

"You can handle it." He smiles.

The act of stitching would be peaceful if not for the fact it was Chan he was stitching. He threads carefully, but he's distracted every time Chan hisses, and it takes him twice as long to stitch the wound as it would've normally taken him. 

Typical, Felix thinks. Whenever Chan is involved, he goes off track. Led by his heart, he trusts too easily, falls too quickly, and loses all of the hard, cold cynicism that his family had taught him. Even now, staring resolutely at the nasty wound on Chan's leg, his heart is in his throat.

He doesn't want Chan to be hurt, not ever. He's suddenly reminded of the nightmare he had, of his father and Chan, thrown against the wall, the word  _ traitor  _ hissed into the darkness. Chan's pain is his worst nightmare, the only thing he can't bear to live through.

Felix finishes stitching and wraps a bandage around Chan's leg, too.

"You're going to have a limp for a while, and the wound will leave a nasty scar. You'll have to come back to me in a few weeks so I can change the stitches." Felix says. "Does it hurt anywhere else?"

Chan shakes his head.

"Just bruises, I think."

Felix nods and stands.

"I'll be right back-" He starts to say, but Chan's warm hand stops him from his wrist.

"Felix..." He says softly, and Felix turns his head over his shoulder. Chan's desperate face makes him melt. He wants to take Chan into his arms, to defend him against the cruel world they were both born into, but it's too late for that now. All they're left with is scars.

"Don't leave." Uttered quietly into the room, the words hurt.

_ I couldn't ever leave you. _

"I won't take long." Felix says. His fingers brush over Chan's before he removes his hand from his wrist. He doesn't say what he wants to.

_ But could you leave me? _

Pained, Felix steps into the en suite and wets a towel with warm water. He doesn't turn on the tap - water just flows from it, as if triggered by his subconscious. As he watches the water run he wonders what happens next. Had Chan achieved what he went home for? Were they free at last?

Felix doubts it. Yet some part of him, the hopeful, loving part that had grown strong since he came into the human realm, still wants to believe that freedom is possible for them.

There's so much he's afraid of. Chan lying to him. His kingdom dragging him back home. Being alone. Being trapped inside of the kingdom inside of  _ himself.  _ But Felix has become brave enough, after almost a year in the human world, to struggle through the fear. 

He brushes away the terror, picks up the wet towel and steps out of the bathroom.

Chan is still sitting on the bed. He hadn't disappeared into the air, as Felix thought he might. His head his hung, but he looks up when Felix enters. He's still as lovely as he's always been, but Felix feels like he knows him truly now.

Felix kneels in front of him and presses the warm towel against his face. Chan's eyes flutter shut.

"Tell me everything." Felix murmurs.

As the warm towel wipes away the blood, Chan speaks.

"I told you the plan, didn't I?" He starts. "Go back to the kingdom. Report to your parents that you'd died at sea, just as they'd hoped. Smuggle my parents out of the kingdom. And then come back to you."

Felix nods. It was a risky plan, that made sense in theory, but Chan had known, even before he'd left, how dangerous it was. He'd told Felix then,  _ if I don't come back, then-  _ but he hadn't quite finished his sentence. He was always swallowing his words.

"It went smoothly at first." Chan says, "I followed protocol. I reported on your death at sea. Maybe because I brought that noble home a year or two ago, they trusted me. The kingdom went into it's period of mourning, as expected, and you were officially pronounced dead."

It's a freeing feeling, Felix thinks, to have died somewhere. He's always wished he could leave the kingdom, and now that he never has to go back, relief settles in his stomach. All because of Chan, he thinks.

"I know you might not believe it," Chan says, "But I really did want to set you free. You're free, now, Felix."

A warm smile grows on Felix's face. He's forgiven Chan, by now. His lies were a necessary evil on their way to freedom. His betrayal is a far away thing, a faint memory that Felix doesn't care to remember. The Chan in front of him now, bleeding and true, is the boy he loves. Nothing else matters.

But Chan struggles to smile back.

"There's a but coming, isn't there." Felix says.

Chan nods.

"The next thing I did was see my parents." Chan smiles a little at the memory, but it's tinged with bitterness. His next words seem forced. "They were happy to see me, and congratulated me on finishing my task. Our reputation was much better now, you see. But when I told them I planned to take them to earth with me..."

Chan sighs.

"They  _ refused. _ "

"What?" Felix blinks, "But why?"

"They told me that all worlds are just as painful as the kingdom." Chan runs a hand over his face. "That no matter where they went, there would be hardship. I understood. Our family, our history, all of our friends, were there. Why would they go into the unknown and leave everything behind, if it would be just as painful?"

Perhaps, Felix thinks, the joy he experienced in this world wasn't because of the human world itself. Rather, what if it was the people here which had made him happy, at last?

"But I-" Chan struggles to speak, I didn't want to escape alone. I'm not as brave as I look, Felix. I was so scared."

Felix stops wiping his face with the towel. He runs a soft hand through Chan's hair.

"No," Felix says, "You  _ are  _ brave."

Chan shakes his head.

"I almost ruined everything." He says, "I forced my parents to come with me. I come to the human realm on official business, as you know, but they don't. Of course when I reached the border with my parents I was found out immediately. I was stupid to think otherwise. When they realised I was trying to escape with them, they threw me into prison."

Chan waves a hand at himself.

"Your parents interrogated me." He says, "Hence this."

Felix's nightmare had come true. He remembers the image of his father gripping Chan by his hair, and his jaw tightens.

"My parents risked everything to free me from the prison." Chan's lip trembles. "They helped me escape. I don't know how they are, or where they are right now. I just escaped and came back here."

In the silence, tears glint in Chan's eyes. He rubs at his face furiously.

"I failed you." Chan whispers, "And you know what the worst part is? Your father asked me, when he was torturing me,  _ was it worth it?  _ I know he was asking about my parents, but I just thought of you. So do you know what I said, Felix? I said  _ yes. _ "

Chan's hands tremble when he takes Felix's cheeks in his hands.

"I'd do it all again." He says. 

"But you- you're disgraced now. You can never see your parents again. You're a  _ criminal. _ "

"I don't care." Chan grips his face as if he'll disappear any second now, as if he'll  _ leave.  _ But Felix couldn't. "I'd do anything if you got to be free"

Tears fall from Felix's eyes. Chan's sincerity, his love, finally reaches him, holding him close under the moonlight. He has no doubt now, that Chan has been sincere all along. That his heart is tender and golden. That Chan would risk his life for him. It's a suffocating realisation.

"Why are you crying?" Chan smiles slightly, brushing the tears away with his thumbs.

"I just-" Felix gulps, "I'm sorry."

"What?" Chan's hands free on his face, "Why?"

"If I hadn't been selfish, i-if I'd just went back to the kingdom like I should have, you wouldn't be hurt." Felix sobs, "You would still be able to see your parents. You wouldn't be disgraced. Just so I could be happy, I've ruined your life. You're so kind, and so good, you deserve-"

Chan kisses him.

Felix's sad, desperate words are kissed away. His tears, the blood, all of their shared tragic history, fades away into the warmth of Chan's mouth against his own. 

"You're wrong," Chan says, pulling away from him, "You haven't ruined my life. You've made it better."

Felix blinks at him. His lips parted, his eyes red, he can say nothing.

"I've learned what happiness is."

When Chan looks away from him shyly, Felix thinks,  _ I love you. _

"Felix." Chan says. He touches Felix with a reverence Felix could never understand. Felix closes his eyes and leans into his hands, and he feels everything. "I love you."

They were meant to find each other, Felix thinks, and presses a small kiss to the side of Chan's mouth.

"I'm sorry I wasn't brave enough," Chan says, "I wanted to fix everything, but I ended up being weak."

Still kneeling, Felix pulls Chan's head towards him and rests it in the corner between his neck and shoulder. 

"Lean on me." He says. "You're brave enough, hyung. I know you want to be strong, but don't you see? You already are. You're good, and kind, and you deserve everything. So rest on me for now."

Chan let's out a shaky sigh against his skin. He leans against Felix, at last.

"I  _ know  _ you now. I promise I do." Felix says. "I won't leave you. We're free now."

"Have you forgiven me?"

"Oh, sweetheart." Felix says fondly, stroking Chan's hair, "There was never anything to forgive."

_ They're free.  _ The realisation hasn't sunk in yet. Felix can only hope that now, the scars that still ache within them can be slowly healed. He thinks that as long as they lean on one another, they can survive anything.

*

Summer has finally arrived. The sun is warm against Felix's skin, and the sand is hot beneath him. Felix sits on the beach, watching the sparkling ocean kiss the shoreline over and over again. He breathes in the smell of sea salt and Chan, and feels at peace

Beside him, Chan sits with his injured leg stretched in front of him. It's been healing well, thanks to Felix's careful help, and the cut on his neck no longer requires a bandage. The thin red line against his skin is a reminder of the pain they've went through. Chan is smiling at nothing, watching the sky, and Felix can feel his happiness as if it's his own.

If there was one moment Felix could choose to remember, it'd be this one. The nameless smile on Chan's face is a promise he wants to keep.

"What do you feel when you swim?" Chan asks.

"Wet." Felix replies, and Chan scowls and shoves his shoulder.

"I was being serious."

"Sorry," Felix giggles. "I must be picking up the sarcasm from Minho hyung."

Felix considers the question.

"Free," He finally murmurs, breathing in time with the tide. "The ocean against my tail, the water in my lungs, the current pushing against me... I can't describe it."

Chan nods, listening. 

"It reminds me of dancing." Felix says.

"I think that might be how I feel when I perform, too" Chan replies. "I've never felt as  _ real  _ as I do when I'm on stage."

"Yeah," Felix smiles, "I'll have to join you on the stage, one day."

Chan's smile becomes teasing.

"Will you?" He drawls, "I'd like to see that."

Their gentle laughter is a welcome sound. The back of their hands touch, and Felix is grateful for the warmth, for the companionship, Chan brings. He's used to watching the sea, but beside Chan, it takes on a new meaning. It's like he's seeing the horizon for the first time, despite knowing it by heart.

Felix is struck with the thought that he'd fallen for his best friend, his  _ soulmate,  _ against all of the odds. All of the pain was worth it.

"Summer is coming." Felix says, "Everyone keeps asking me what I'm doing for vacation, but I've never  _ had  _ a summer break before."

"Oh." Chan says, his eyes twinkle. "You'll learn soon enough."

"What do you mean?"

He turns to Chan, who's grinning widely.

"Hyung?"

"You'll see."

"See  _ what? _ " Felix whines, "Have you planned something?"

"Maybe." He tilts his head at Felix, his grin bright. "Don't worry. I'll make sure you have a great summer break."

He's insufferable, Felix thinks, melting at Chan's smile and his kind words. He'd planned something for them without mentioning it, even when he was injured. Maybe he's an angel, Felix thinks. Certainly the way the sun hits his dark hair is angelic, and the curve of his mouth, the light in his eyes, couldn't possibly be human.

Touched, Felix's smile softens.

"What-" Chan starts to say.

Gently, Felix pushes him back against the sand and climbs on top of him, careful not to brush his injured leg. He kisses Chan, giddy and warm under the sunlight.

"My hoodie," Chan giggles, trying to hide his face from Felix's kisses, "It's covered in sand. You'll ruin it."

"Don't care." Felix says, wanting to be as close to him as possible. Chan has never complained about his frequent affection, so Felix plans to continue it for as soon as possible. "Come here."

There's nothing but laughter, the sand, the sound of the sea... Felix is enamored by Chan's eyes looking up at him, his soft skin, and the hope for a better future.

*

It doesn't take long for Chan to spill his Summer plans to Felix.

So when they end up at a cabin by a waterfall, a pretty vacation home with sunlight and huge rooms, Felix is only half surprised. He'd invited all of the people who'd made his first year so lovely, and the eight of them had ventured out into the country, tanned and excited for the summer ahead.

One night, the fire crackles. It'd taken a while to set up a campfire behind the cabin, with their fumbling hands and eight confused faces struggling to work it out, but now the fire is set up they sit peacefully around it. They hold out sticks with marshmallows on the end, letting the heat bronze them. When they bite into the marshmallows, they're melted in the middle.

(Though Changbin had complained his was burned, and Jisung had quickly come to the rescue).

Felix let's out a warm breath. The summer nights are cooler, but still warm, and the brush of the summer breeze against his skin is a welcome relief against the heat. He leans against Chan's side, trying not to fall asleep, as the sound of the fire and the smell of smoke lulls him.

He glances at the familiar faces around him, all lit by the campfire. Changbin and Jisung bicker, their cheeks full with marhsmallows, but they're smiling. Jeongin is talking to Seungmin animatedly, their happy voices drifting around the fire like smoke. Hyunjin and Minho are getting to know each other, awkwardly stumbling through first greetings and giggling at each other.

Then there's Chan. Warm, steady Chan, who looks up at the stars. Felix thinks Chan is like a star himself, burning and sparkling, a bright guide through the dark, endless night. His dark hair is getting longer, and his eyes sparkle. Though time has yet to heal all of their wounds, Felix has noticed that the dark shadows under his eyes are lightening just a little.

Felix loves him as much as always. More every day. He listens to the fire crackle, and closes his eyes.

"We should tell stories." Hyunjin says over the fire.

"Yeah." Jeongin agrees, grinning in his innocent, excited sort of way, "Ghost stories?"

"They fit the mood." Jisung pipes up, ever the sentimental. He gestures to the fire. "Ghost stories around the campfire, I love that."

"Course you do." Changbin laughs.

As Hyunjin starts to tell a ghost story, Felix lets the words blend into one. He's so comfortable, beside his friends, that he can hardly remember the hardship it had taken him to get to this moment. All he knows is the soothing circles Chan is making on his back, a gentle touch that makes him soft and sleepy.

Felix's eyes flutter open when he hears Chan's voice, though.

"I know a story." He says mysteriously. Even without seeing him, Felix can hear the smile curling in his voice. 

"Come on then." Seungmin says.

"Well," Chan starts, "There once was a kingdom ruled by mermaids..."

Felix smiles, a pink blush tingeing his cheeks. As he listens to Chan tell their story, he feels himself grow happier and happier. It's not that the past doesn't hurt. Rather, it's become something he can look back on fondly, because it brought him happiness. It brought him Chan.

"Sorry," Minho says, when Chan is finished, "But that was a bit..."

"Weak?" Seungmin pipes up.

"Yeah." Changbin says, "And I'm scared of everything, but  _ I  _ wasn't scared."

Chan splutters, embarassed.

"Are you hearing this?" He asks Felix.

In the light of the fire, Felix looks into Chan's face, and loves him.

It starts to rain. It pours in earnest, quickly putting out the fire and soaking them into the bone. Without the fire, it should be pitch black, but Felix can sees Chan's eyes sparkling even in the dark.

"Did you do this?" Chan asks, as the rain falls.

Felix reaches for him in the dark and kisses him sweetly.

"I didn't." Felix lies, kissing him again.

"Liar." 

"I just-" Felix touches Chan's cheeks, his hair, in wonder at the happiness he feels, "Thank you."

"The vacation's nothing-"

Felix swallows his words with another kiss.

"Not just that. Thank you for everything." He murmurs. "I love you."

He feels Chan's embarassed smile, rather than seeing it.

"I'm so happy." Felix says.

"Felix," Chan says softly, reaching back for him in the dark, "This is just the beginning."

Freedom is sweet, Felix thinks. It feels like Chan's arms around him, and the sea.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IT'S OVER AND I'M SAD TAKE ME BACK TO THE BEGINNING AAAAAAAAAAA


End file.
